Respect:
Valuing one another highly, treating one another as important and honoring one another with our words and actions. Romans 12:10, 1 Peter 2:17
That is a very sad question with a very sad answer. You feel alone because your spouse may not celebrate with you when you are excited about something. You feel alone because when you are hurting you won’t go to your spouse for comfort for fear of rejection. You feel alone because you feel that your spouse does not respect you. You feel alone because you seem to be carrying the responsibility of your family alone. You feel alone because your spouse doesn’t meet your deepest needs.
Maybe I hit one of the “why’s” that you or someone you know may feel alone. You probably can add your own personal :why’s” to the list, but I want you to take heart! God can heal your marriage! You and your spouse can learn a new way of loving one another, removing your aloneness!
Let’s take a look at what many call “The Top 10 Relational Needs”.
Acceptance : Receiving others willingly and unconditionally (even when their behavior has been imperfect) and loving them in spite of any differences that may exist between you. (Romans 15:7)
Affection : Expressing care and closeness through physical touch and through words such as “I love you” or “I care about you.” (Romans 16:16. Mark 10:16)
Appreciation : Expressing thanks, praise or commendation, particularly in recognition of someone’s accomplishments or efforts. Gratefully acknowledging what someone “does” (Colossians 3:15 b, 1 Corinthians 11:2)
Approval (Blessing): Building up or affirming another person, particularly for
who they are (as opposed to what they do); affirming both the fact and the
importance of our relationship with another person.( Ephesians 4:29; Mark 1:11)
Attention : Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking notice of
others and making an effort to enter into their respective worlds. (1 Corinthians
12:25 NASB)
Comfort : Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions,
emotional responses, and physical touch; hurting with and for others in the
midst of their grief or pain. (Romans 12: 15 NASB; Matthew 5:4: 2 Corinthians
1:3-4)
Encouragement: Urging others to persist and persevere in their efforts to attain their goals; stimulating others toward love and good deeds.
(1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:24)
Respect: Valuing one another highly, treating one another as important, and honoring one another with our words and actions. (Romans 12:10, 1 Peter 2;17)
Security (Peace): Establishing and maintaining harmony in our relationships and providing freedom from fear or threat of harm through expressions of vulnerability, deepening of trust, and the successful resolution of conflict. (Romans 12:16,18)
Support: Coming alongside others and providing gentle, appropriate assistance with a problem or struggle. (Galatians 6:2)
After reading this list and their definitions, what are your top 3? It may not be easy to settle on just 3 or even to pinpoint one in particular. The truth is you and I need all ten, but at times some of the needs may have a higher priority in our relationships. Now ask yourself, “How would I like for my spouse to meet these (any of these) top 3 needs? How do they meet this need already? How do they leave the need unmet?”
When a person goes too long without food he/she becomes hungry; or without water and becomes thirsty. These responses to lack of needs being met are natural because the body was built to need food and water among other things in order to live and thrive. In a similar way, your soul (inner person) that is just as real as your physical body, has needs to stay alive and thrive – to love and be loved, to know and be known, to be intimate rather than feeling alone.
Your spouse has these needs also. Is it possible that you are not meeting his/her needs as well? One way to find out is ask him/her to do the same exercise above.
This information will help each of you “more deeply know” one another and is a valuable tool to have in your tool belt. Knowing and meeting needs can lead your marriage out of aloneness and into oneness! BUT….it takes looking into your own heart honestly and hearing and meeting your spouses needs.
You must have an honest conversation with your spouse about these needs. What are theirs? What are yours? How can you meet these needs for one another. “Speaking the truth in love” to one another is your way to true intimacy with one another. Intimacy = antidote for aloneness.
Are you willing?
Will these promises help??
Deuteronomy 31:8: It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
2 Timothy 1:7: For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Isaiah 43:1-2: But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
John 14:27: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neit her let them be afraid.