What Excuses Have You Heard? Were They Good Ones?
Having been a school teacher for several years and in marriage ministry for even longer, I have heard a ton of excuses. Why, I’ve even used my share of them. Some, but not all, are listed below:
- “If she/he would change, our marriage would be perfect.”
- “If I had been from a wealthier family, I would have learned to play an instrument.”
- “If I had been coached better as a kid playing baseball, I might have been good enough to get a scholarship or play pro ball.”
- “If my dad had been a better father, I wouldn’t have messed up my kids.”; etc
You get the idea.
Because we deal with couples who are sometimes in marital trouble, we hear all kinds of excuses as to why the marriage isn’t working as expected. I also have the opportunity to work with some men dealing with addictions. They have some reasons and excuses behind their addictive behavior. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are good reasons why some struggle in marriage and/or with addictions.
My goal in this article is to help us with a perspective that allows us to move past the excuses and reasons into a place of freedom from them both. There is freedom in the future of the follower of Christ Jesus, and that future starts here and now.
Since most men and women have had little relationship training and few models of loving relationships, we could lean heavily on the lack of equipping or modeling to point the finger of blame to others. And we both know that others have influenced us for good and for ill. I am a huge proponent of being courageous enough to look back and identify where we have been (or may have been) wronged as well as where we have wronged others. I believe that practice to be very biblical. Check out Hebrews 12:1-2 where the writers says, “1. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Look back? Yes! Stay there? No!
“Everything that hinders” refers (I believe) to weight, mass, burdens and the load we carry based on what others have done to hurt us causing us to feel unwanted and unloved. The “sin” points to what we have done to hurt others and go against what God designed for us. It is where we missed the mark. The command is to “throw off everything” that holds us back or keeps us down. When we do, we are then able to” run with endurance the race set before us”. In my experience and after study, I am convinced that Holy Spirit of God Who lives in us Christ-followers is fully capable of setting us free from both the weight others have piled into our soul and the sin we’ve added to the pile of hindrances.
Jesus Christ wants you and me to come to Him, confess the sin and walk away forgiven, and He wants us to mourn to Him the pain others have inflicted through no real fault of our own.( Matthew 11:28-30) So, after we identify the unconfessed sins we’ve done and the pain others have caused us, let’s ask Jesus in prayer to forgive the sin and comfort our loneliness. Let’s take the time or get the help we need to heal from the past and start living in the present tense, having hope in Christ Jesus for a future where love abounds and new Christ-centered legacies are formed.
Jesus is fully capable of doing that in us, for us, and through us. That is how I want the rest of my life to be lived – lived in freedom that no longer makes excuses but runs with endurance the race set before me. Come along? I would love the companionship!