Approval (Blessing): Building up or affirming another person, particularly for who they are (as opposed to what they do); affirming both the fact and the importance of our relationship with another person. (Ephesians 4:29; Mark 1:11)
I think it is easy to confuse appreciation and approval, especially when it comes to children. Often without meaning to, we tend to give “atta boys/girls” based on what they do and not give approval to them just because they are your son/daughter or perhaps we could notice character and approve of them because they are a blessing. Another way to look at is to say that you are grateful that you get to be their father or mother or that you are glad God let you be in the same family.
We may focus on their accomplishments, having honest intentions of that being our way of showing approval. But really that kind of praise for accomplishment is based on performance instead of character. Approval of character would sound like, “You know what I have noticed this year? You have practiced with very little complaint. That shows perseverance and a good character. Thank you for being so faithful.”
Don’t misunderstand me, appreciation is needed very much and showing our kids appreciation is healthy. But approval is at least as important. It is a blessing. Our children need to build self-confidence, as the wonderful person God created them to be.
Approval is when we focus on who they are and not simply what they do. Can you see the big difference?
THREE SOURCES OF LIGHT – Help Us Experience Approval
Light Source #1: Jesus is the Light of the World (John 8:12)
Walking in the Light: Having a fresh encounter with Jesus.
When Jesus was baptized, as He came up out of the water, His Heavenly Father spoke words of approval to Him. Matthew 3:17: “ And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.’”
If God spoke words of approval over His Son, do you think it’s safe to say that He speaks words of approval over you? Here are some just in case you are not sure. 🙂
YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made! Ps. 139:14
God lavishes YOU with His love! 1 John 3:1
YOU are a beautiful masterpiece! Eph. 2: 10
YOU are radiant! Ps. 34:5
YOU are a conqueror! Rom. 8:37
Search more for yourself, my friend! God thinks YOU are very special!
Light Source #2: God’s Word is a lamp and a light, so walk in the light of frequent experiences of doing His Word. Psalm 119: 105
Let’s do: 1 Thessalonians 2:4
But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.
Our kids may struggle seeking approval from others. With social media, it can be tempting for them to see how many “likes” they get or who comments and who does not in order to feel approved. It may feel good but it can be a form of false approval. Once again “Fakebook” can be just that…fake. No, we are not condemning Facebook. Just know “social network” may be neither truly social or even a real network. Real friendships can be reinforced there but that kind of network is not enough to be truly known or to truly know another person.
Let’s teach our kids to seek God’s approval above all else by teaching them to please God and not men. We can do this by example. How? One way can be found in Matthew 6:1
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.”
If our kids see us constantly trying to gain man’s approval instead of quietly serving, giving, teaching etc…they may very well become people pleasers.
Light Source #3: God’s people are sources of light so walk in real
fellowship with your children/children of influence: “the light of the world.” Matthew 5:14
When we serve in our church or community, we can take our kids with us. By serving alongside mom/dad, your kids will learn by your example. How do you respond when serving or on the way to a place where you will be serving? How do you interact, and what conversations do you engage with those you serve? A big responsibility, yes, but, as parents, it is our responsibility. Wouldn’t you rather they learn from you how to serve God well as you serve others and vice versa?
After serving together would be a perfect time to point out and show approval of the positives you noticed in your child. “Ya’ know, when we were serving those meals to the community, I loved how you made others laugh and feel good about themselves.” “It makes me proud to be your daddy/momma to see how you shared the love of Jesus today.”
This is also a perfect time to show how to give God all the glory by pointing out that all we are, all we have, and all we do is for Him and every good gift is from Him!