Affection Expressing care and closeness through physical touch and through words such as “I love you” or “I Care about you.” (Romans 16:16. Mark 10:16)
Meeting The Need for Affection in your Children (GC2 Circles – Circles 1 and 3)
I am blessed to take care of a sweet little 7 month old boy during the day while his mamma and daddy are at work. First let me say that I couldn’t even imagine not kissing him all over his face each day, he is just too cute, but I have come to see that he needs it.
Of course we know our children need affection, but can you imagine the consequences if we just didn’t give it? I see this sweet boy reach for me or crawl to me just looking for affection, to be near me. His momma and daddy see this need at night when they should all be sleeping! Haha…he just wants to be near them. Sadly, in many homes and all over the world there are children that get little or no affection. Little ones will struggle to thrive if they don’t get the affection they need.
I am certainly not trying to depress anyone but rather to open a window into the needs of your little one’s heart. Momma and Daddy, God has placed these sweet ones in your arms for just a little while, love on them every chance you get! If you have “adult children”, as I do, they need your affection too! You can bet I am going to hug my boys tightly after not seeing them for awhile!!! It says to them, ” I have missed you and I am so glad to see you again!”
Think of what it would be like for my boys, uh men…. If I did not do anything, or maybe just said “hi!” Don’t you agree an embrace says “I love you” so much more than “hi”? It seems silly but I promise you, this goes on in families all of the time. Our young children get so excited when mommy or daddy come home but sometimes they get “swept” aside because mom and dad are too tired. This can lead them to feel that they don’t matter. Even just a pat on the head, a smile, and a few kinds words from you would communicate that they do matter.
You understand that we are not advocating that we, as parents, will do a perfect job of meeting this or any of the other intimacy needs of our children. We are simply saying we can and probably need to do a better job of communicating love to them. I have never met anyone who has reached the absolute pinnacle of loving others and has no room for growth. Have you?
THREE SOURCES OF LIGHT – Help Us Experience Affection
Light Source #1: Jesus in the Light of the World (John 8:12) Walking in the Light: Experiencing God’s Love and Giving It Away (Affection)
Have you ever experienced sweet, loving, affection from Jesus? What did it feel like? Think back on the ways that God ministered to your heart. Just as God lavishes us with His affection, we should do the same with our children. Nothing lights up a child’s heart more than to know they are loved by a parent, just like YOU. Don’t you feel the same way when you come to know you are loved by your Heavenly Father?
I remember a time when my oldest son was in Kindergarten. He was being picked on in school and it absolutely broke my heart. I couldn’t be there each day in the classroom and block other children’s words from piercing his little heart, but what I did was reassure him that he was loved by those that mattered most, mommy and daddy. I showed this by hugs, kisses and speaking truth into him.
During this same time God was ministering to ME. I was holding anger at God for some things I experience as a child. I would often ask Him “why?” That day and the days that followed as I spoke love into my son’s heart God was tapping me on the shoulder and saying, “that is how I loved you during that time.” “Just as you want to protect your son, I wanted to protect you! I give my children choices and that means at times they choose to use this privilege of being human wrongly, and it hurts others. As you were hurting, I was there hurting with you, just like you are hurting for your son.” I was feeling God’s affection being lavished on me, and it healed deep pain in my heart that had been there for many years. Holy Spirit is the Comforter. He comforted me that day. II Corinthians 1:3-4
Light Source #2: God’s Word is a “Lamp and Light” (Psalm 119:105)Let’s do the Book!-
Would you please read John 14:26-27 “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
Mom’s and Dad’s, what keeps you from expressing care with affection towards your children? Stress, busy schedules, it was never expressed to you as a child so it is not “normal” for you, exhaustion, kids seem to not want it – aka “teenager”? Whatever it is that keeps you from showing affection, God wants to teach you differently. He gives us the Holy Spirit and the Spirit teaches us! Thank God we don’t have to stay the same!
That sweet baby or toddler in your home…you can tell when they need affection because they demand it! 🙂 Take time to just cuddle them, won’t be long before they are grown!
That teen or tween in your home….he/she needs appropriate affection desperately. A hug, a kiss on the forehead, a rub on the arm or shoulder, all ways that subtly say “I love you and I am here for you.” This is a critical age, they need assurance.
That college kid that just left your house….hug them and love them every time they come home to visit. Tell them you miss them and ask how they are…all ways to show affection.
Your married son/daughter….one day they will live out what they have learned when they were in your home. Will they show affection to their children, your grandchildren? Will they show the right kind of affection to their spouse? They will have a good foundation if they learned loving, affectionate behavior while they were growing up, don’t you think? Do the Book: John 13:34-35 says we are to love others as Jesus loves us. God says He loves us and truly cares for us. Let’s find ways to communicate affection to our kids and each other.
Light Source #3: Followers of Jesus are called the “Light of the World” (Matt 5:14) Increase real fellowship with your spouse as you show affection.
As parents, here is another great benefit of showing affection to one another, to your children and grandkids if you have them.
Loving your kids well gives you as a couple a deeper friendship and fellowship as you pray for those children, as you discover how to parent better and better together, and as you illustrate well the way God loves you.
Over a cup of coffee or on a date…soon, would you answer these two questions and finish the date with prayer together?
- In what ways were each of us shown love in our early years or in what ways do we wish we’d been shown love by our parents and grandparents?
- What are we doing better or have we done better with our kids than was shown to us and what 1 change will we make to show affection more clearly at home?