Vulnerable Communication says, “I trust you.”
Let’s explore the “ingredients of a healthy relationship.” (Affectionate Caring, Vulnerable Communication, Joint Accomplishment, Mutual Giving.)
These 4 ingredients are in Chapter 5 of the Intimate Encounters workbook. Within this same chapter, three dimensions of intimacy are explained. (Spiritual Intimacy, Emotional Intimacy, Physical Intimacy)
We will look at blending all of these ingredients within our relationships. Let’s discover how we can say what we mean and listen to understand with our spouse, children and others.
Vulnerable Communication says, “I trust you.” Trusting is the aspect in a relationship that risks being open about one’s feelings, needs, dreams, goals, and even our hurts.
An Encounter With Jesus
Matthew 11:28 28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Do you think this scripture asks you to be vulnerable with Jesus and invites you to share openly with Him in complete trust? I believe He is inviti ng us.
Let’s go back to Jesus’ disciples again. We looked at His relationship with His disciples last week. These men were His friends. He lived life with them. He also verbalized His desire for their supp ort when He agonized in the garden, as He took His own burdens to the Father.
Just as Jesus went to the Father with His heavy burden, we are invited to do the same. We can cry out to Him, share our complete heart even if it involves some anger or disappointment with Him. We can celebrate His goodness, provision, and love in worship and “awestruck wonder”. He invites you and me to lay it all out before Him and offers peace and rest for the pain and connects joyfully in our celebrations.
The enemy of vulnerable communication is FEAR.
The enemy may try to tell you that you can’t share “THAT” with God! “What will He think of you?” “If you have that in your heart, you are not a good christian!”
Jesus is the strongest man I know and if He can break down before the Father and share his pain, then we can have the confidence to do so as well. The enemy is lying to you in order to keep you alone and hurt or feeling condemned. Plus, we are INVITED to “come to Him”, to “cast our cares on Him”, and to “fellowship with Him”!
Let’s Do The Book!
Let’s take a look at what scripture says about how we can communicate vulnerably with our spouse, children and others. Let’s discover how we can say what we mean in love and listen to understand.
A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Luke 6:45
Let’s look at the last sentence in this verse. ( For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.) Can you imagine if your heart is ful l of the fear of being ope n and vulnerable with your spouse, children or others? Suppose when you were a child, that every time yo u started to share a fear o r happy moment or concern with your parents that you were immediately shut down or ignored. Over time, you would be “gun-shy” to open up, wouldn’t you? “Why would I take that chance again,” is what you might be thinking. You might experience the hurt of being shut down, the anger of being disrespected, and / or the fear of ever trying that again. Right?
Even if your attempts to speak into a conversation were met with less volatile responses: such as being ignored, or ridiculed, or harshly corrected, your hurt, anger, and fear might still arise.
Can you see how this fear from childhood could carry over into how you communicate as an adult? It could hinder how vulnerable you are when you share. You might try to protect yourself by only sharing on a very surface level.
In the same way, Proverbs 15:1 tells us: A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Think about this verse as you communicate with your spouse, children and others. What we say can either open someone’s heart or close it shut. It can be the difference on how vulnerable someone would be with us. Wouldn’t you want your spouse and children to have no fear as they communicate vulnerably with you?
Proverbs 18:13 If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.
Let me ask you a question. When you and your spouse/children are speaking to one another, do you really listen to what they are saying or are you formulating what you will say in response?
One way to show your spouse/children that you are listening i s by repeating back to them, “Is this what I heard you saying?” By doing this, even though it may seem awkward at first to ask this, you are showing care to your spouse/children. It says to them that you are listening and that you care to hear what is being said so you can understand what they are feeli ng -what they are trying to communicate. Don’t we all want that?
PProverbs 2:2 Making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; I think we can all say a huge AMEN to this!
Is your ear attentive to what is being said? Is your heart inclined, (willing) to understand?
Let’s Practice Vulnerable Communication
Would you practice Romans 12:15 with your spouse?
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
Would you please ask your spouse to share a special memory with you? Would you then please take a minute and rejoice with him/her? Just a simple,”that must have made you so happy? I am so happy for you.”
Will you now ask for your spouse to share a time that was hard for him/her? Would you take a minute to mourn with your spouse? As an example, “Honey, I am so sorry that happened to you.” Followed by a hug and/or a prayer.
Now let’s practice Romans 12:15 with the children or children of focus. (Children of focus are the children in your life that are not your own. Could be a neighbor’s child, a niece/nephew, grandchild, etc…)
Would you ask him/her, ” Would you tell me something that made you happy?” Would you then rejoice with him/her? With a big smile on your face and joy reflected from your eyes you might say, “Sweetie, I can see how that made you so happy! I am so happy for you!”
Then would you ask him/her to share a time that they felt sad. Would you please mourn with him/her? Maybe while hugging the child – if appropriate – say, “I am so sorry, (their name), that hurt you so much.”
You may do Romans 12:15 with everyone you know! Can you see how this would open up and encourage Vulnerable Communication and Trust each time you speak to one another? This is a great example of loving one another well.
Matthew 22:36-40
36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”
Let’s Love one another well, shall we, by learning to Vulnerably Communicate; Building trust between our loved ones; Listening well; speaking in love?