Approval (Blessing): Building up or affirming another person, particularly for who they are (as opposed to what they do); affirming both the fact and the importance of our relationship with another person. (Ephesians 4:29; Mark 1:11)
Our focus this week is to meet the need for approval in our children and even more specifically on middle school-aged kids. I believe this need is at the top of the list for many or most middle schoolers and desperately needs to be met by caring adults. Even if you don’t have a child in middle school, you probably know someone or several someones who are. Let’s make a concerted effort to seek to meet their need for APPROVAL.
Middle school children deal with so much in their day. Each day, week, or -at the most- each month is filled with feelings, thoughts, sadness, embarrassment, laughter, awkwardness, acceptance, rejection, comparison and physical changes. Their minds are filled with questions about this life and how they fit into it. On the outside you might be able to see which middle schooler is “popular” and which ones are not, but can you really know? If you polled those middle schoolers, both popular and not so popular about what they think and feel about themselves, I bet their answers would be the same. I bet both groups would share very similar thoughts and fears about themselves.
Do you have a middle school-aged child? Do you know how they truly feel about themselves and their daily life regardless of what you “think” they feel or actually perceive? Your perception might be way off. Isn’t it worth finding out? You may be surprised.
THREE SOURCES OF LIGHT – Help Us Experience Approval
Light Source #1: Jesus is the Light of the World (John 8:12) Walking in the Light: Having a fresh encounter with Jesus. (Approval)
As you talk with your kids about how they feel about themselves and those in their life will you introduce them to the approval that Jesus has for them? You know, days at school can be rough for your middle school child if they are already feeling rejection, but having the assurance of Jesus’ approval to carry with them can bolster their faith and confidence! Coupled with your approval for them, knowing Jesus’ approval will help their heart. Study scripture with them. Give them scripture to counteract any negative feelings they may be experiencing about themselves. For example: If they are feeling that they don’t matter or don’t fit in help challenge them, memorize Psalm 139:13-18
God chose to make them, chose to knit them into a life inside their mother’s womb, made them each “wonderfully” and He does not make mistakes! Mom’s and Dad’s you can’t always be present every minute with your child, but God can! If they know the truth about what God thinks of them…prayerfully that can carry them through the difficult moments.
Light Source #2: God’s Word is a lamp and a light, so walk in the light of frequent experiences of doing His Word. Psalm 119: 105
Let’s do: Galatians 1:10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
What will you teach your children? Whose approval will they seek most? It can be so difficult as the voices bombarding them seem louder than the voice of God, but you can teach them to persevere . As you keep the lines of communication open between you and your child, you will have the opportunity to steer them along the wise and blessed way. Remember you are the loudest voice that speaks into them. I know you feel you may be displaced at times, but too many studies over decades have shown that parents shape their children more than other influencers over the span of life.
Maybe it can be as easy as slipping an encouraging note in their lunch box. (Encouraging them in a situation you know they are facing.) Maybe you can make sure that you are home at the end of the school day so you can chat with them as soon as they get home from school or make time after dinner to sit with them and talk.
You know your child. Do what you feel is best for them in ways that communicate that you approve of who they are. If your child feels approved by you…life will go smoother for sure!
Choose from this list of Character Qualities (Pages 266-268 in the Intimate Encounters book) and identify several that pertain to your child, then find a time for just the two of you where you can tell him/her how he/she is a blessing to you and others, what you see that causes you to thank God that you get to be the parent of such a child. Can you imagine what it would do to the hearts of middle schoolers to hear that they matter, that someone cherishes and approves of them…even though they are not perfect….they are valued.
Light Source #3: God’s people are sources of light so walk in real fellowship with your spouse: “the light of the world.” Matthew 5:14
Parents YOU are the greatest influence in how your children respond to their environment. Yes, sometimes there may be exceptions, but for the most part YOU are the voice that speaks into their hearts and souls first.. They look up to you. They trust you…words and actions. You make a difference in how they perceive themselves. This may feel like a lot of pressure! Maybe, but God knows you can handle the task! He placed your children with you for a reason. Be the voice of approval and truth to them.
Will you be sure to date your middle schooler often? Can you remember your middle school age? For me, I am thankful I NEVER have to go back to that age. It was probably the worst time period for me. How wonderful if your children can have the safety of mom and dad when things are unsteady, unsure for them elsewhere.
Mom and Dad, take them on a date together as a threesome and sometimes with just you and your child -, one on one. Both styles of spending time are so crucial. Please make the time. Life is busy – yes, but schedule on your calendar the time for them. You won’t be disappointed, and you can’t even begin to imagine how much love that will speak into your child’s life!
Often we have absolutely no idea the pains our child feels. Feelings of rejection are common place in middle school. I wish that I would have been more aware when my own kids were that age. On the outside they seemed normal, but then I found out things were not so normal. It is so scary to see your child suffer and experiencing pain. Middle school-aged children can be so hard on one another. Comparison, name calling, trying to match up…so stressful on our young kids. But…You can be their safe place. You don’t have to do this alone or even as parents working together. Help your children be under the mentorship or in relationships with other caring adults to help you show them approval. Whether through sports, church, clubs, drama, music, scouts, or other organizations, we can find those leaders who’ll help us make sure our children know and feel approval