Ingredient of the Week
Vulnerable Communication “I trust you.” “You are a safe person in my life.”
Enemy – Fear and Insecurity in the Relationship “You can’t be trusted to value what I say, respond appropriately, or keep private issues confidential.”
When you hear or read the word “vulnerable”, what thoughts or feelings does it create in you? Do you begin to feel uncomfortable, a little nervous, maybe even panicky at the thought of baring your soul to someone else? Or does it elicit feelings of anticipation, knowing that when you disclose something, it will be welcomed and appreciated?
One of the keys to Vulnerable Communication is feeling safe in your relationship – safe enough to be completely honest. This week we will focus on this idea of “safety” as it relates to how you communicate with your spouse.
A Worthy Goal: (a little Support from TBI)
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage and family until your children and friends envy your relationship and want what you have…. “faith expressing itself in love” – Galatians 5:6.
Set aside a few minutes this week or plan a date night to discuss Vulnerable Communication together.
Husband, would you lead this time? Please be prepared to lead by reviewing the questions below. When ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time.
LOVE(Speak)
1. What is your definition of a “safe” person?
2. Who in your childhood and teen years modeled what it means to be a “safe” person? Were you able to tell your “safe person” anything and feel they cared and would not judge or condemn you? 3. How well did your parents or guardians fill the role? What impact has their modeling – good or not so good – had on your marriage or parenting?4. Do you allow your spouse to be your “safe” person or are you afraid to trust because of your past? 5. Are you a good listener? Do you “hear the words comin’ outa’ your spouse’s mouth, as well as the true feelings comin’ outa’ his/her heart?” Being a safe person surely helps our spouse and kids learn how to express their true feelings and become willing to be vulnerable.
Application: Do you meet with each other on a regular basis to discuss schedules, finances, etc.? Consider adding this question to the agenda: “Where do you most need my help today, this coming week (month, etc.)?”
What About the Kids?
1. Are there times when you are afraid? What causes you to fear? (Observe fear responses in children who cannot articulate their anxiety.) What can you do about alleviating fear in your Child of Focus? I John 4:18
2. Will you please come talk to me when you feel afraid? Sometimes kids need to have a “Jesus with skin on” (a safe person) to come to in their times of fear.
My kids really appreciated my reading the Bible to them out loud at night. Sometimes I would sit in the hall outside their bedrooms (doors slightly ajar) as they drifted off to sleep. This was especially helpful to 2 of our kids who had a little trouble going to sleep at night. I did not have to do it many weeks until they were going to bed without my reading aloud. I sometimes wish those days were back. I can still hear their “good night, Dad” and feel the silence that surrounded me when they were “out” and I shuffled off to bed.