In 1966, the singing group Association launched what has come to be a “golden oldie” – ” Cherish is the Word”. In the song they say that CHERISH is the word used to describe the feelings that they have inside. CHERISH does in fact carry a ton of feelings or has the potential, at least. Ever felt CHERISHed by someone? Ever CHERISHed another person. Would you allow your heart to feel CHERISHed by Jesus, by your spouse, by your kids, etc? Would you allow your heart to CHERISH them first?
If you have been reading our 52 Week Plan for a while you may remember we did a special segment for the month of July on the acrostic “SPECIAL”. We focused on SPECIAL then, and now we want to take a journey through “CHERISH” over the next few weeks. (If you are new to our plan and want copies of the SPECIAL plans please let us know and we will email them to you.
In the Intimate Encounters workbook, beginning near the end of Chapter 5, continuing through Chapter 11, the writers include an extra feature to give even more practical application to the principles explored. Two words, “SPECIAL” and “CHERISH” are used to develop an acrostic so that in each chapter each word is developed to help your spouse feel “special” and “cherished”.
Secure Protected Enjoyed Courted Intimate Affirmed Led Comforted Honored Exalted Respected Intimate Secure Happy
The acrostics above provide a simple way for us to remember to reach out to our spouse and meet his/her needs and help him/her truly feel special and cherished. You may even want to do a special “project date night” and make these two words into a work of art and place them in your home as a reminder. 🙂 (If you make one please show it off to us! We would love to see it!)
As we look at them further, will you make an effort for the month of December to “practice” these skills every day or, at least, more often? Notice the differences in your spouse when he/she feels even more special and cherished. You may want to keep doing this “forever”! 🙂
Don’t worry, we won’t leave you wondering. Each week in December we will focus on two letters in the word CHERISH and the needs those letters represent..
Let’s turn our focus to CHERISH, specifically C (comforted) and H (honored) for this week. Will you practice meeting the need for comfort and showing honor to your spouse this week?
How do we meet the need for Comfort?
C omforted: Comfort may be defined as “giving loving reassurance and nurture to someone who is very special to you.” We may show comfort by our actively listening, quiet acceptance, or words of kindness or affirmation. How could you help make your home a place of comfort -a safe haven. When our spouse has been tossed around by life all day perhaps in an environment where little understanding, acceptance, or comfort is offered, what a blessing to get to come home to a place of comfort and peace.
In order to practice comforting your spouse, you may need to find out how he/she feels comforted. Would you ask your spouse to give you some ideas about how or when meaningful comfort has been given? Ask them to share specific ways they have felt comforted by you in the past. Remember a time, a specific time, that your spouse comforted you and explain how you felt at the time.
Sometimes you will feel comforted in ways quite different from your spouse. You want to be sensitive to meeting his/her need in the way he/she will feel comforted. It is tempting and easy to just comfort your spouse how you would feel comforted, but you may miss an opportunity to comfort your spouse if you aren’t clear what comfort means to him/her.
Can you recall a specific time that your Lord and Savior comforted you? Would you thank Him for meeting your need to be comforted? Would you share your experience with your spouse? Let them enter in to your most intimate moments with Jesus.
(Dave’s Example:) Many years ago I was standing in a funeral home by the side of my deceased father’s casket. I was broken by the things that had not been said and filled with regret, as I now had lost the opportunity to say to my Dad what was in my heart. At that moment, I heard my heavenly Father say to my heart, “David, you can be angry at me for your Dad’s death or you can be grateful for the many years you had him with you.” His comfort changed me.
What is it like to feel honored, …to be honored? H onored: I wonder if it is in your normal thinking and behavior patterns to purposefully honor your spouse? What does honoring your spouse even look like? To honor someone means to show them you “value and highly respect them”. In seeking to honor your spouse it also means to honor their wishes. Dr. Ferguson writes “Seeing your spouse as your personal hero!”
What thoughts go through your mind as you read the definition for honoring your spouse? Do you show honor to your spouse? For some of us, honoring our spouse should be more a purposeful action. We may need to be purposefully aware and careful to show honor in how we treat and react to our spouse. We may also need to be aware of what we say and how we say it, being careful to speak with words that show honor.
When it is quiet one night this week and you and your spouse are alone, would you ask if your spouse feels honored by you? Most times we fail to show honor to our spouse without even meaning to. If that has been the case for you, would you ask your spouse for forgiveness? Would you ask them to share the ways with you that they felt dishonored? This will help you to recognize situations that you may need to be more careful in the future. Please ask your spouse how and when he/she feels the most honored by you or others.
As a woman (Linda here), I would like to speak to my lady friends for a few minutes. I can tell you from experience with my husband and in working with couples that men feel so loved if they feel honored. If your husband does not feel honored it is almost a given that he does not feel completely loved by you. A man thrives when he feels valued and respected by his spouse. Friends, I know you are not intentionally meaning to dishonor your husbands, but please be purposeful about learning what you can do to show him respect. By being purposeful it will change your marriage for the better!
I am excited to think of what your home will be like this week, as you begin to practice comforting and honoring your spouse – purposefully, practically, specifically as has been revealed in your conversations and Question/Answer time in this 52 Week Plan.
It will help to change the whole house atmosphere! You wait and see!!!