In keeping with your “marriage vision”, it would be very beneficial to set aside a One-on-One time each week with your spouse. (Also known as Marriage Staff Meeting in the Intimate Encounters workbook by Dr Ferguson). If you’ve not developed or discussed with your spouse a “marriage vision” this might be a great time to start the conversation. Simply put, it is an idea of what you’d like your marriage to be like in the future. Having a One on One time sets aside time to check in with one another on the progress of the process.
A One -on-One is a time that you set aside with your spouse to discuss not only your marriage vision but also your weekly calendars, kids’ schedules, prayer concerns, and budget. You can make it a “date night” or a “coffee conversation”. It might also be a time to discuss what has been on your heart during the week or – to go deeper – you could appropriately share hurts or celebrations with your spouse. You can also set new goals and strategies, as needed.
This time should be put on the calendar so it holds a priority over the busyness of life. It would be best to have no distractions as well, possibly getting a sitter and leave the house for a date night and One-on-One time.
This time is just for you and your spouse. Make it important because it is! Make it a priority!
This is a great “connect” time with your spouse. You both are leaders of your household. You are running a home, the finances, relationships within the home, schedules, and task lists. It makes sense to get together and talk about these very important issues. If you don’t, life may get a little crazy or crazier!
If you have followed our 52 Week Plan for a while, you know we focus on Relational Needs. I think having a One-on-One time with your spouse can be a great time to meet a few of these needs. In fact, I feel you can meet them all! Let us look at how!
Below are how these needs may look in your marriage. ( See the List of Top Ten Relational Needs) Ten Relational Needs
Acceptance: I can share freely with you without fear of being criticized.
Affection: I know I will be cared for by you. You and I can look at each other and express our love verbally.
Appreciation: I can be excited to share accomplishments I had this week. I know you will celebrate them with me.
Approval: No matter what I share with you, I know you will seek to build me up.
Attention: I know you will listen intently to me.
Comfort: I know my hurts will be comforted by you and you will not try to fix me.
Encouragement: I know you will cheer me on to meet my goals and we can encourage one another as a couple to meet our marriage vision goals together.
Respect: You show you value me, when I speak, by listening to what I have to say and invite my opinions.
Security: I know we are working towards a common goal that we have planned together. I know I can be open and vulnerable with you without fear.
Support: I know that no matter what you have my back, you are for me!
Let me ask… Can you honestly say your relationship reflects these statements to your spouse for each relational need? If they fall short, may I suggest that becomes something you discuss on your One on One dates? This is so important and crucial to your marriage.
When we meet each other’s needs in a marriage relationship the marriage feels whole, more intimate. If needs go unmet, that’s when the marriage breaks down, feels broken and lonely. Isn’t it worth the time and energy to focus and work on these issues in your marriage? If meeting these relational needs in your spouse is so life changing, why wouldn’t you focus on them?
For your marriage vision to work you need to focus daily on meeting your spouses relational needs. We all have them so don’t think your spouse is exempt. Ask them how you can meet the needs for him/her. If they don’t know what their needs are, please let them take this
After taking the assessment discuss how they like that need to be met because even if you share the same top 3 needs, you may like them met totally different than your spouse.
Remember that you can’t meet all these needs for your spouse anymore than they can meet all of them for you. The idea is for you to be God’s agent for meeting as many needs as possible for your spouse. There should be no other human being alive that meets as many of your spouse’s needs as you do!