Comfort doesn’t sound like a spooky concept, but for some it is a frightening. Why? Perhaps because we don’t know how it feels to be comforted. Perhaps we’ve tried to find comfort for unresolved pain or guilt and found ourselves addicted to stuff or even to people ….neither of which helped us much. Let’s take some time this week to talk about Comfort, to discover what it is and how we can meet this need in our spouse. OK?
In this email, you’ll find the “Need of the Week”, which highlights one of the Top Ten Relational Needs.
Our “LOVE(Speak)” section contains five questions crafted to enhance communication as a couple. While you’re at it, don’t forget to check out our “Q4K” section, offering questions to use as you talk about these relational tools with your kids!
We have also included some “Getting Started” suggestions if you need a little direction as you begin.
Please don’t hesitate to let us know if you have any questions or suggestions for us!
The TBI Ministries Team
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss Comfort together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE(Speak)” time with your wife.
Comfort (empathy)
Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses, and physical touch; hurting with and for others in the midst of their grief or pain.
Romans 12:15, Matthew 5:4, 2 Cor. 1:3,4
LOVE(Speak)
1. Do you believe that you are good at knowing what to say in difficult situations (hospital room of a sick friend, around a grieving family, when your spouse or child has had a traumatic experience)? Describe one or two situations where you felt that you did/did not know what to say in awkward situations. Would you list a couple of emotions you felt in those times?
2. Describe a time when you were the one who needed comfort (see definition above). How well did those, who came to give consolation, do at comforting you or saying appropriate, helpful things?
3. Continuing from question 2, do you even remember what was said during those times when you needed comfort? Did the fact that they were there attempting to comfort you mean as much or more than what they said or didn’t say? How important is the actual (not virtual) presence of a friend during a crisis or in a painful time of life? Describe a time when a friend was there for you in a painful time.
4. The Bible refers to the Holy Spirit as the “Comforter” and the word means “advocate, one who comes alongside”. When Jesus said to His disciples in Matthew 28: 20 that “I am with you always”, how does He do that and what part does the Holy Spirit play in comforting hurting believers? Have you ever wondered why God commanded us in Psalm 46:10 to “be still and know that He is God”? How might that verse connect with comfort from the Holy Spirit?
5. How available are you to touch or hold your spouse tenderly when comfort is needed? How able are you to listen to your spouse when you see that comfort is the need of the moment? When you know or suspect that your spouse is dealing with some painful situation from work, family, or other relationship, would you ask, “How can I help?” and say, “I care about you and it hurts me to see you hurting.” When might praying aloud with your spouse be a comforting thing to do?
Q4K: Yours or Others’
1. Regardless of the age of your Child of Focus (your child or other in whom you are investing), praying over or with him/her can provide comfort for all. Are you praying for/with/over your Child of Focus? Will you decide/commit to make progress in this area? Praying silently is fine – especially if the child is sleeping and you’d like for him/her to stay asleep. 🙂
2. When a child needs comfort, good eye contact while listening and gentle/appropriate touch are very helpful for communicating comfort