Affection Expressing care and closeness through physical touch and through words such as “I love you” or “I Care about you.” (Romans 16:16. Mark 10:16)
Meeting The Need for Affection in Your Spouse
When you hear the word “affection” what comes to mind? When you think of meeting the need for affection in your spouse, what do you think? Is it safe to say that men and women may think differently on the meaning of affection especially regarding spouses? When we think of affection towards our children or others, meeting the need for affection may take on even more variety.
Read over this list of ways to show affection in marriage..
- Hugs: Hugs can say a thousand words without ever speaking.
- I Love You: Say it often to your spouse. Don’t always assume it is understood! Even if it is understood, hearing “I love you” makes a world of difference.
- Greet your spouse: By greeting your spouse when you have been apart it says “I value you, I missed you, You are important to me, I’m excited you are back.” Greet them with a hug, a kiss and/or a touch on the shoulder.
- Touch Them: Especially when they share something. A high five when they share something they are excited about or a gentle touch when they share something sad. By touching them when they share it tells them you are listening and you are feeling what they are sharing.
- Be spontaneous!: Yes! Say I love you when they don’t expect it. Bring them a favorite snack for no reason. Buy them a gift just because. Being spontaneous says to your spouse, “I have been thinking of you!”
If you noticed, I did not say anything in that list about sex. Though if you do a great job of communicating affection to your spouse, it just might lead to sex or make sex even more meaningful. However, our focus is on being affectionate outside the bedroom. That will communicate such a deep level of intimacy with your spouse. It is the everyday moments that become special when we share affection in the ways described above. By meeting your spouse’s need for affection appropriately and consistently, the level of intimacy (knowing and being known, loving and being loved) will deepen and perhaps result in more frequent and satisfying sex in your marriage.
The expression of affection in marriage that is conveyed during sex is a gift from God to married couples. I know, I know not everyone having sex is married or even cares about conveying affection but God’s plan is pure and wonderful. His intent for sex in marriage is to cement the bond of “leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh” for a husband and wife. Sound old fashioned? Getting the marriage relationship right – outside the bedroom – can help us enjoy the relationship even more – inside the bedroom.
Also, having age-appropriate discussions with children and teens about the important place of affection and sex in marriage may open the door to many meaningful discussion as adults help children get God’s perspective on marriage rather than leave that influence to culture only. We needed help with this important aspect of love and marriage, didn’t we? Where did our information come from….other teens or students?
Let’s Walk in the Light of Jesus – He is the Light of the World (John 8:12) Walking in the Light of Jesus means we not only follow His commands in scripture and seek to “be” this light to others but also encounter Him in times of prayer or meditation deepening our understanding of His love, His character, and His attitude toward us. We do this by having our own “Fresh Encounters” with Jesus, meaning we spend time with Him and experience His presence in our lives.
Would you please read this story in scripture below:
A Sinful Woman Forgiven Luke 7: 36-50 One of the Pharisees asked him to eat with him, and he went into the Pharisee’s house and reclined at table. And behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of ointment, and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment. Now when the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner.” And Jesus answering said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” And he answered, “Say it, Teacher.” “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.” Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven-for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” Then those who were at table with him began to say among themselves, “Who is this, who even forgives sins?” And he said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
What a beautiful act of affection she displayed out of her gratefulness and love for The Lord and…..Jesus noticed.
Will you spend a few minutes and worship the Lord. Think about what Jesus might have felt as this woman cared for Him in this way as you listen to this song. Alabaster Jar Also, put yourself in her shoes as if you were the one anointing Jesus and washing His feet with your tears.
Let’s do the Book!- Walking in the Light of God’s Word
When I think about the scriptures above, Luke 7: 36-50, I think about Jesus and what it must have meant to Him to be cared for in such a manner. Imagine as this woman wept at His feet and washed his feet with her tears. Imagine as she anointed Him with expensive perfume. Imagine how long that beautiful act stayed with Him as the scent of the perfume lingered in His hair.
Now, let’s look at Jesus in John 13: 1-20.
Jesus is washing His disciples feet! Jesus!!! He served His disciples in such a sweet, humble way. I can imagine how affectionately he washed their feet, gently, lovingly, knowing He would soon be apart from them.
When you show love to someone else, especially someone who may not “deserve” your kindness or affection at the moment, the humility of a Christ who washes disciples feet moves you to give affection from His heart….even when you and I don’t feel like it. Let’s do the Book as Jesus.
Let’s Walk in the Light of Real Fellowship with Our Children
I know a young couple that washed each other’s feet during their wedding ceremony. How beautiful! Have you ever washed your spouse’s feet? May I challenge you to do it? May I also “set up” a special date night scenario?
Date night items needed: Bible Basin of warm water, maybe add soft scented oil/and or rose petals to it. A cup of wine/juice, baked bread Candles Soft music 2 towels Soft scented soap
Turn on your selected music and dim the lights, light candles, Read John 13:1-20 with your spouse, have a time of communion and prayer and then take turns washing each other’s feet.
This time together may result in some true fellowship built around the love and gentleness of Jesus expressed toward each other.