Do you know the song from Buzz Lightyear, “You’ve Got a Friend in Me?” Can your spouse say that about your relationship? Yes, you may be husband and wife, you may share children together, a home, finances, chores, but are you friends? More importantly are you BEST friends?
Some spouses would gasp at that question! “Why would I want my husband/wife to be my BEST friend? After-all, I can only share my deepest feelings with my girlfriend/buddy, not my SPOUSE!!! GASP! EYE ROLL! You get the picture! It’s a sad picture though if you think about it. You may not actually say it out loud, but you may feel it deep down.
Your spouse is supposed to be your soul mate, your one and only, your most intimate connection, so why wouldn’t you be the kind of friends that share ALL with one another? Maybe it is simply you just don’t know how? Well…let’s look at that!
If you find that you are not as “buddy-buddy” as you would like to be with your spouse, here are some suggestions you can engage in order to change that!
Any close relationship needs time built into it. Time spent with one another. Time talking, laughing, having a blast together, making memories together. We often have no problem doing this with our buddies or girlfriends, but what about your spouse? How do you cultivate that kind of friendship with your spouse?
- Well, you begin by scheduling time together. Think about your closest friend. How much time do you spend “connecting” with that friend? Any meaningful relationship is cultivated by time spent together. Go on some dates as a couple, dates that are calendared and planned!!!
- Do you have anything you and your spouse love to do together? A shared interest in hobbies, sports, movies, hikes, reading, being outside, taking drives, etc…can be a wonderful place to start spending more time with one another.
- Do you call or text your spouse during the day just to say Hi? We can easily get caught up in our day but a 30 second call or text can keep that connection going between you. My husband and I like to send fun GIF’s to one another by text during the day. We don’t even have to say words!
- Do you go on dates? Dates for just the two of you, I mean. Dating your spouse can be fun and it will certainly keep the spark alive between you as a couple! Have fun with this. Be creative! Take turns planning a date for your spouse, setting up the whole date, even sitters if needed. Just allow your spouse to “show up” for the date after you have taken care of all the details. Also, try to plan the date around what your spouse loves.
- Do you greet one another at the end of the day? A welcome home kiss, hug and/or “How was your day’?
- You could go back to some of the former 52 Week Plans to see if one or more of those conversation starters would help keep the conversation lively.
Keep the element of surprise alive in your plans unless your spouse simply doesn’t enjoy being surprised. If he/she doesn’t like being surprised, then include your spouse in the planning; otherwise, “kidnap” him when he gets home from work one evening or her after she has been with kids all day. After giving him or her time to dress/pack or finish some last minute details (you already took care of the major ones), then stay home together just the two of you, go to a hotel after eating at a good restaurant. If your budget won’t allow spending much money, have a picnic on a blanket in the living room and just stay home and be…..together.
The point with all of these above is connection. You want to keep connected to your spouse throughout each day. Connection brings closeness, a deepening of your love and ultimately a bonded friendship between you.
Connection takes being deliberate. Connection takes noticing your spouse and his/her needs. Connection takes some effort. Connection will bring the deepest intimacy you can imagine into your marriage!