Attention: Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking notice of others and making an effort to enter into their respective worlds. (1 Corinthians 12:25 NASB)
A few months ago I was in the waiting room of a doctor’s office. I noticed two couples in front of me. One was an older couple and one was a younger couple. I first noticed the older couple. The woman was talking to her husband but I noticed the husband never once looked at her. She kept talking and he never once nodded his head or spoke a word. Eventually she finished what she was talking about and the two just sat quietly.
I remember I felt sadness for the woman. I wondered how often she spoke to her husband without any acknowledgement from him. How lonely and unloved she must have felt. I wondered how they got to the point they were with one another. Still as I write about this couple, my heart still hurts for her. She just wanted his attention and never received even a glimpse of it during that conversation in the waiting room that day.
The young couple in front of me was just the opposite. (For this story of the young couple to make more sense I need to tell you the type of doctors office I was in. I was there to get a mammogram but this office also deals with patients that have breast cancer.) This young couple was huddled together. They were whispering to each other as the husband had his one arm around his wife and lightly caressing her other arm as she spoke. Though I could not hear them, I could clearly tell the woman was upset. Her husband gave her his full attention with body language, eye contact, and speaking to her.
These two couples played out two very different types of relationships right in front of me. I even wondered if the older woman secretly hoped her own husband would have given her the type of attention she saw in the younger couple. I began to pray for these two couples as I sat waiting for my appointment. I believe God had me “see” the differences, and I grabbed the opportunity to pray for them. One couple so empty of any attention, comfort or love and one couple so filled with them.
THREE SOURCES OF LIGHT – Help Us Experience Attention
Light Source #1: Jesus is the Light of the World (John 8:12) Walking in the Light: Having a fresh encounter with Jesus. (Attention)
EL ROI (Hebrew) means The God who sees me. Genesis 16: 13 She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”
Hagar was running away from Sarai because Sarai was mistreating her. God saw Hagar and let her know He would care for her. He asked her why she was running, (engaged in conversation) and He gave her help. (Gave her direction and what to do)
Have you noticed the smallest of details that God addresses in your life? He is always paying attention even when you forget that He is. How has God engaged you and guided you? (answered prayer, an encouraging verse, the comforting voice of reassurance from the Holy Spirit) Even in nature, God’s attention to detail is amazing! Look at a flower, the colors, and all of the many components within it, or the mountains and the many different colors of green! Look at your spouse…she is beautiful, he is handsome, look how God has created him/her!
When others may not see you, God always sees and cares! He is always paying attention to every detail in our lives because He loves us. Just as we look closely at what our children are doing and learning God does even more so with us. Your Heavenly Father knows your needs and He sees what we can’t. Do you trust Him? Will you?
Do you “see” your spouse? Are you paying attention by listening and looking for opportunities to serve your spouse or meet a need? How full our hearts would be if our spouse knew that you, husband/wife, are the one who truly sees him/her!
Is there one thing you wish your spouse knew about you, but you are afraid to tell due to the fear of rejection, or argument, disinterest, or disappointment. God already knows and loves you. He entered and enters your world. Maybe soon you can give your spouse a chance to enter your world.
Light Source #2: God’s Word is a lamp and a light, so walk in the light of frequent experiences of doing His Word. Psalm 119: 105
Let’s do: Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
2A: “Valuing one another” That is exactly what we convey, when we give our full attention to our spouse.. Don’t we all want to feel valued, especially by our spouse? Something as simple as paying attention “purposefully.” Don’t miss that, “purposefully,” we show value to our spouse! We can pay attention by hearing what our spouse says and remembering things our spouse likes and dislikes, and taking note of what her/his priorities are. We learn what they value. How cool to spring a surprise on our spouse of something they absolutely love just because you took the time to pay attention when they spoke about it and retained that information for a later date! That has “I love you” written all over it don’t you think?
Paying and giving attention seems so easy but somehow it slips past us. We get pre-occupied, busy and distracted. Most times we are not even aware of our lack of attention to our spouse. Slowly, over time it begins to take its toll on our marriage like the older couple at the doctor’s office.
You have to ask yourself…In years from now, what couple do I want to be like, the younger or older couple? If you choose to be like the younger attentive couple, now or soon would be a great time to start. That is one reason we send out the 52 Week Plan.
Light Source #3: God’s people are sources of light so walk in real fellowship with believers and others: “the light of the world.” Matthew 5:14
As you read the story I shared of the two couples in the doctor’s office, do you see yourself as the older couple or younger couple? Maybe somewhere in between the two? What were your thoughts and feelings about the two couples I shared about? Maybe God is speaking to your own heart? Maybe you realized how blessed you are in your relationship with your spouse or maybe you see you need to do a little better or a lot better at paying attention when your spouse speaks to you.
Friends, most of us don’t mean to not give attention to our spouse. Often we are just multitasking as our spouse speaks to us, but think about what that silently says to your spouse. It says they are not as important as whatever task you “need” to do. Is that really what you want your spouse to feel? I don’t think so. Next time when your spouse is sharing something with you, would you put down whatever it is you are doing and look your spouse in the eye? How special your spouse will feel just by doing that one gesture!