Attention Conveying appropriate interest, concern, care; taking notice of others and making an effort to enter into their respective worlds. 1 Corinthians 12:25
A Worthy Goal: (a little “Truth in Love” from TBI)
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage and family until your children and friends envy your relationship and want what you have…. “faith expressing itself in love” – Galatians 5:6.
To really know someone well we must pay attention to actions, interests, and words. Getting close enough to enter our spouse’s world requires that we observe clues to know what his/her world involves…sports, books, exercise, quiet surroundings, surprises, too many hours of work, not able to find a job, sadness, joy, task-orientation, people person, etc. Many of us know how to enter the world of children by playing their games and getting on their level – making good eye contact and listening closely to what they say…especially if their words aren’t quite up to “the King’s English”. Will you invest some time this week to get close, get real, and discover clues to help you enter the world of your spouse? …..so he/she is less alone than ever…..
Have a great week!
Sincerely, Dave Lewis The Basic Idea Helping Leaders Live Loved and Give Love Freely….Starting at Home!
Set aside a few minutes this week or plan a date night to discuss Attention.
Husband, would you lead this time? Please be prepared to lead by reviewing the questions below. When ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time.
LOVE (SPEAK) Fresh Encounter with Jesus Christ
1. In what ways did/does Jesus enter our world? Why did/does He do that? Please read John 3:16 and put your name into the place where John wrote “the world”. Now think a few minutes or longer about a God who is so wonderful, so powerful, yet so involved that He would enter the world because He loves you…personally. John 17:23 may also help you encounter the heart of Jesus. Do you KNOW He cares that much? Is He in your world now? We’d be happy to help you know…if you don’t already.
Frequent Experiences in the Word (Do The Book)
Let’s Do I Corinthians 12:25
2. Is entering another person’s world (see definition above) a complicated or simple process in your view? Please explain your answer. Having appropriate care for each other is not a Bible verse that applies to churches only….it applies to your home…your closest relationships.
3. At an appropriate time, please ask your spouse how you are doing at “entering his/her world” and paying attention.
4. Would you list a few people you feel are very much alone or seem to be very lonely? Do they have any friends who pay attention to them? How do they try to get others to pay attention/enter their world? Do you or your spouse use any of these same ways to attempt to get the other to pay attention?
Have Real Fellowship with Your Spouse
5. Good listening/responding skills may be the best way for you to enter or know how to enter your spouse’s world, so (based on Question 3 above) please try the following conversation:
- (Spouse’s name), would you please describe to me what your day to day world is like – busy, meetings, kids, housework, stressful, fun, active, sedentary, etc.
- (Spouse’s name), are there ways I can get to know your world or enter your world?
- (Spouse’s name), do you feel alone in your world or do I enter it (at all, sometimes, often) and help you feel truly loved and known?
- What can I do to enter your world, show appropriate interest?
Help: Though most people know that “communication is the key to marriage” (actually a book by Norman Wright), most of us have little or no training or modeling in great communication skills, especially on the listening side of the table..
If you have an Intimate Encounters workbook, check out Chapter 8.
Caution: When you and your spouse have exchanged ideas about entering the other person’s world, it may be easy to demand that he/she does it “just as you described” and does it soon. Understand that explaining to a person doesn’t mean that he/she will do it perfectly, immediately or ever. You are having the conversation and listening intently to your spouse in order to reveal and discover ways to enter each others worlds, to “pay attention”, so each day you get the chance to remove some of the aloneness from the other person’s life. Demanding attention will only alienate your spouse further. Reveal your needs, as appropriate, then trust God to bring about the needed changes in your own life rather than beginning to demand your spouse “gets it right from now on”. OK?
Now — What About the Kids? “Ask- Listen- Respond”
You and your children may benefit from discussing the following questions with your spouse or other caring adult.
1. Based on what you saw in the You Tube video, describe the impact on a child who does not have appropriate attention and feedback from his/her parent or significant care-giver.
2. How do older children “screech” and “lose control of their posture” when some of the basic relational needs we’ve discussed do not get met? What might happen for instance if a child does not receive proper amounts of healthy attention?
Note: I am not excusing bad behavior in children or adults, but sometimes children over or under-react because they don’t know what to do with the aloneness or hurt or isolation they feel.
Attention—It’s in the Book!!
1 Corinthians 12:25 That there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.