Acceptance Receiving others willingly and unconditionally (even when their behavior has been imperfect) and loving them in spite of any differences that may exist between you. (Romans 15:7)
Meeting The Need for Acceptance in your Children
I have a friend that is a Kindergarten teacher. She told me a story of this little boy in her class that at the end of the school day, did not want to go home. My friend explained to him that he couldn’t stay at school by himself that she goes home too.
At the car line he was still refusing to go home. He was hiding behind a pole when the boys mom pulled up. My friend explained to the mom that her son did not want to go home. The mom began yelling at the boy to get in the car, which he did.
This story really broke my heart. What 5 year old does not want to go home? Something at home must be wrong if he didn’t want to leave school. Come to find out as my friend explained, that he had two teenage brothers that pick on him at home and that he just gets parked in front of the TV or IPad all night after school. Well, my heart broke even more.
This little boy, at age 5, knows the difference of what he feels. He “gets” that there is a difference, though he probably doesn’t understand what it means. He just knows he feels differently at school then at home. The feeling is: not being accepted at home and being accepted at school. He has little interaction with parents, negative interaction from siblings and loneliness – I can imagine – at home. At school, he gets the opposite. He has a teacher who loves him and pays attention to him!. Why? Because he matters to her. He may not know what the word “acceptance” means, but he knows what it feels like when it is and isn’t present.
For my teacher friend, she is making a difference in this boy’s life. My friend loves her job as a teacher and she truly loves these children. It was so obvious to me when she told me the story, that this boy feels the love she has for him. That is why he wanted to stay at school, with her. He was willing to stay even knowing that she had to go home. For this child school is a place he feels accepted. Even if it meant staying there alone, he knows he “feels” good inside, when he is at school compared to what he “feels” like at home.
Neighborhood children, our kids’ friends, kids at church. We all have children in our circles of influence. We, as my teacher friend, can make a difference in their lives. When a child is too young to say “eat” or know how to describe “hungry”, he knows intuitively the meaning of both without the verbiage to explain. In the same way every child and adult needs acceptance. We were built to need it and establish loving relationships as we meet it in others and have it met in us.
How can you help a child “feel” accepted?
- Get down to their level, eye to eye when you talk to them.
- Listen to what they have to say. Even if it seems small to us, it is so important to them.
- Give them appropriate touch.
- Tell them you care about them and say “I love you.”
- Spend time with them doing things that they enjoy.
- Communicate “you matter” by celebrating special days or moments with them or feeling sad with them if they are having a rough day.
- When a child fails or falls short of what was expected, let him/her know in some of the ways listed above and in other ways that he/she is valued and not rejected.
These are just day-to-day things, but they are life-changing to your child/child of influence.
Let’s Walk in the Light of Jesus – He is the Light of the World (John 8:12) Walking in the Light of Jesus means we not only follow His commands in scripture and seek to “be” this light to others but also encounter Him in times of prayer or meditation deepening our understanding of His love, His character, and His attitude toward us. We do this by having our own “Fresh Encounters” with Jesus, meaning we spend time with Him and experience His presence in our lives.
Matthew 19:13-14 13 Then the little children were brought to Jesus for Him to place His hands on them and pray for them; and the disciples rebuked those who brought them. 14 But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them! For the kingdom of heaven” belongs to such as these.
Imagine with me this scene. I imagine it being dusty, dry and hot. A large noisy crowd probably shouting and jostling for position to reach Jesus for healing. Everyone scrambling and pushing towards Jesus. Then the crowd starts pushing the children towards Jesus. Imagine being a parent that day. I would certainly be pushing my child forward for Jesus to pray over them. If they needed healing, I would be more desperate to get them to Him. But, the disciples saw this and started to push the children away from Jesus. After all, Jesus has no time for these little ones, he had serious needs to address with all the adults there. The disciples began to rebuke the ones pushing the children forward but then, Jesus stepped in. ( Can I just say how I love the phrase, “but then, Jesus…?” So much joy comes to my heart with that phrase.)
Apparently the disciples had forgotten what Jesus already told them about children. Matthew 18: 1-6 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin,[ a ] it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
Wow!!! Jesus values little children and their humble spirits so much that He said, “whoever is like these children, (trusting, humble and with sincere hearts) is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven!”
Back to our story…. Imagine the delight in your heart if you were a parent and Jesus began to hug your child! Imagine Him laughing with all the children, taking time, perhaps with each one, to pray and hug and look into each little face to say, “I love you.” Jesus FULLY accepted these children just for who they were. So much so that He wants us to have “child-like” faith just as they.
Let’s do the Book!- Walking in the Light of God’s Word
Would you please read Matthew 18: 1-6 again?h
Let’s take a deeper look into verse 6. 5 “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, 6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, [ a ] it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
That is a pretty strong rebuke, don’t you think?
Children trust the adults in their lives. It is our job as mom and dad to accept them and to know that they COMPLETELY trust you. This means that even like the little boy at school, he may not understand why he feels “bad” feelings if the acceptance isn’t there, but God knows and He holds us accountable.
Let’s Walk in the Light of Real Fellowship with Our Children
Do your children trust you? Do you give them reason to? Do your actions match those of Jesus towards them or are they more like the disciples and you try to brush them aside? (For example when: you are watching TV, you are busy making dinner, you are working at home, you are talking to another adult) Though we need to teach our children the correct way to get our attention, we need to remember that they are children. What is important to them might seem like an emergency to them at that moment. . Maybe you can turn your attention to them, hear what they are saying and say,”when I am finished with ________________we can talk about that further.” This will let them know that you have acknowledged them and that you “want” to talk about it. Your child will feel accepted.
Would you take some time and practice the list above on “how to help your child feel more accepted” in your interactions with your children/children of influence this week? Make it so your child “wants” to come home after school or after spending time with other friends or families, won’t you?
A little humor but really…it’s not funny. Sometimes we forget they are just children.