Acceptance Receiving others willingly and unconditionally (even when their behavior has been imperfect) and loving them in spite of any differences that may exist between you. (Romans 15:7)
Our kids are looking for acceptance from us, their peers, God, society, and a plethora of other players. They struggle to “fit in.” As they grow into teenagers the struggle intensifies, as they try to figure out who they are and where they belong in the world. Though God’s love and acceptance are important to each of us, a parent’s love and acceptance of their child are perceived first. This can often carry over to their feelings about what God thinks of them.
Think back on your own childhood. Recall the feelings that may stand out in your memory of times that you didn’t feel accepted and also some times that you did. What was the difference? Was it directly related to the way you were treated by those in your life?
Rejection is the opposite of acceptance. I can recall certain times in my life when I was teased in school and the feeling of rejection I felt. During this time rejection seemed to be coming from everywhere, all at once. As this continued for some years, I began to feel I was unworthy and unlovable. I also believed God felt that way about me as well.
I could not shake those feelings until I was in my 40’s. I believed the lie that I couldn’t possibly be accepted and loved by God. BUT GOD…… showed me the truth!
THREE SOURCES OF LIGHT – Help Us Experience Acceptance Light Source #1: Jesus is the Light of the World (John 8:12)Walking in the Light: Experiencing God’s Love and Giving It Away (Acceptance)
I became a believer at 15, but it took many years for God to “clean out” the lies I had believed about myself and Him. I believed the lies so completely that they defined who I believed myself to be. Until the lies were revealed to me, as God shined His light on them, I was shocked that they were lies!
Rejection from others led to my believing negative thoughts about myself and God, but it was the authentic, loving acceptance, I felt from God and others, that pulled me out of the lies I believed.
Parents, you are the greatest, closest earthly influence your child has. Speak the truth to them often about who they are. Tell them why you love them. Perhaps, your kids are faced with rejection on a regular basis. Please be the voice of acceptance and truth to them.
May I suggest praying with your kids before they head out to school each day? Maybe at the door as they get ready to leave, take their hand and pray over them. Get down to their eye level and say “I love you”, kiss them on the forehead and send them off for the day. Just imagine how that would affect your child!
Light Source #2: God’s Word is a lamp and a light, so walk in the light of frequent experiences of doing His Word. Psalm 119: 105
Luke 6:31:Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Acceptance is expressed when you fully receive someone as having value without conditions or requiring that they change. You love them just the way they are and you accept everything about them. This does not mean, however, that you are silent about areas that are dangerous to them or detrimental to others. Accepting another person and meeting this need does not mean that we turn a blind eye to their bad attitudes, unwise choices, or harmful actions. It does mean that we don’t “throw them away” or leave them alone at the first sign of misbehavior.
Unfortunately, especially for our kids, they may feel that in order to be socially accepted they need to conform their looks, thoughts or values. In reality, they are not really being accepted if they need to change who they are or jump through hoops to be included or liked. That is tough for parents to combat unless the child has other important environments where acceptance and a listening ear are present and available.
In Luke 6:31 we are commanded to treat others as we want to be treated. This might be a good scripture to memorize with your child. It may help to remind them that if they are tempted to put “pressure” on someone so they might fit into the group to remember what they might feel like if that was done to them. Let me give you an example.
In the days when I was teased in school I felt shamed and totally rejected. After a few years some of the same kids that did the teasing started to be my friend. I began to feel accepted. I remember a time in particular there was a new student in school. “My new friends” wanted me to join in as they teased and shouted hurtful words at her. I would not do it. (I remembered what I felt, and I was not going to be the one that did that to another person…no way!)
I don’t remember what the outcome was but I wished I would have stood up for that girl instead of just refraining from teasing. I wished I would have stopped the teasing and befriended her, instead I just didn’t participate in the ridicule. I know now that Jesus would have stood up for her and stopped the teasing. I guess I was still fearful of being ridiculed myself if I stood up for her, so I just kept quiet.
Kids don’t know what to do in some situations, if they are not taught what to do. Parents teach your kids what to do if they are teased or if asked to join in the teasing. Luke 6:31 is a great memory verse so your child can remember when faced with a situation.
Light Source #3: God’s people are sources of light so walk in real fellowship with your spouse: “the light of the world.” Matthew 5:14
Will you be your child’s safe place? A place of refuge. A place to be fully accepted no matter what they talk about or how they act?
Would you take your child out on a date and discuss peer pressure with him/her? Chances are they are being pressured, and it scares them! If they are taught how to handle themselves in a situation, the fear-level might go way down. If your children know that you are on their side – no matter what – then they may be able to conquer harmful pressure coming from so-called friends.
I think, that from the time they are little, if you as the parent demonstrate clearly your love and acceptance, your child will have a much greater chance to stand against negative peer pressure, even as they hit middle and high school. Middle school especially can hit so hard on your child. Give extra attention to your middle school children, OK? Talk with them often. Share what you experienced in middle school and how you handled it. Pray with them. They need you more than ever Mom and Dad.
If you don’t make an effort to be actively involved in your child’s life, they will probably not share with you when times get hard. They will most likely hide it from you, thinking you would not understand or not be interested or even not accept them seriously. Keep communication open from a very young age. You have to do the work, it will not just happen if you don’t press into your child’s life by speaking truth in love as a way of life.