Mutual Giving says, “I love you.”
Mutual Giving says, “I Love You.” This is characterized by two people who think more highly of each other than of themselves. The focus is on giving to each other rather than taking.
One of the absolute funniest ways you can experience “Mutual Giving” is to take turns planning a date night. Each month each of you plan a date in advance that you will treat your spouse or child to as a surprise. The catch is that you will plan this date for a date that “they” love, not you! For example: You shouldn’t plan a date that revolves around baseball if your wife hates baseball. It may be a blast for you but not so much for her. You should plan a date that is age appropriate for your child as you wouldn’t want to bring a pre-teen to say, Chuckie Cheese. The point is to plan something that will say I LOVE YOU to your spouse or child. Planning something they love is the way to do it!
One way to say ” I love you” is by demonstrating how important your spouse or child is to you. You may do this by purposefully meeting some of their Relational Needs. For example, It may say “I love you” to my husband when I meet his need of APPROVAL by praising him in front of others.
It may say “you are important” to my child when we snuggle up on the couch and read his/her favorite story. This may go a long way to meet the need of AFFECTION.
Mutual Giving can be hindered by selfishness . Give to the other person in a way that says “I love you” or “you matter to me”. Each of us is designed by God so uniquely that we “feel” love in our own special way. Even if we shared the same Relational Need, say Comfort for an example, we may each “feel” comforted or receive comfort differently.
An Encounter With Jesus
How did Jesus say “I Love You,” “You are Important,” OR how did He put the focus on a loved one instead of Himself?
One of Jesus’ first miracles was turning water into wine at a wedding banquet. You may read this story (and please do) in John chapter 2. Let’s take a deeper look into Jesus’ heart at the wedding.
Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. Notice, Jesus, The Messiah, took time out for a wedding! He was invited, He attended. I am sure he could have been doing many other things but people, His children, were always on His top priority list. The bride and groom invited Jesus so He went. (Just in case you missed it, wink wink, this said to the bride and groom: “I love you! You are important to me! I put my own work aside and am taking time to celebrate you!”)
Let’s go on with the story. Everyone is having a good time and the wine runs out!! This is not a good thing and an embarrassment to the hosts. Mary, Jesus’ mom, knows what to do! She went immediately to her son and wanted him to fix the problem. She believed that whatever He said to do would take care of the situation. What did Jesus do…he turned water into wine. Not just any ol’ wine but the best wine! Did He have to do this? Of course not, but He did because He knew it was important to his mother, the bride and groom and the guests.
Jesus is always about others. His whole life says “I love you and you are important to me.” Jesus always “gives’ with us in mind and in His heart.
Reflecting with Jesus
What has Jesus done for you that say’s “I love you and you are important to me?” Will you take some time and think on your life and maybe even write down a few of the memories you have of Jesus meeting this need in you?
Will you ask The Lord Jesus to reveal any selfish ways in you that hinder your giving to your spouse or children? Ask for specific ways your selfishness has hurt your spouse/child. (Example: Maybe you like to watch TV instead of engaging with your family or maybe you like to spend more time out with friends instead of time with your spouse/children.) If God shows you ways you have hurt your spouse/children, will you go to them and ask forgiveness? Will you ask God to remind you when you are being selfish in this way and make an effort to change your heart?
Will you ask God to show you ways you can “give” to your spouse/children in a way that puts a smile in their hearts? It may be a special date, small gift or a simple gesture of respect, attention, or comfort.. Yes! You can ask God for specific ways! He knows your loved one better than you do! Isn’t that amazing?
Take some alone time and just praise Him. He so worthy of our praise!
Date Night: Please plan a date for with your spouse or child (even teens and young adults enjoy special treatment). On that date perhaps you could use some of the time asking your spouse/child, “What can I do to help you know more deeply how I love you?” or “Would you let me know things that I do or fail to do that leave you feeling less than loved?”
You might preface the discussion with these words (or similar): I was thinking about you the other day and how much you mean to me. I began to wonder if I communicate that love really well or really poorly or somewhere in between. Would you help me know how to show my love for you in ways that really mean love to you? I want to be a better giver rather than a professional taker.