Affection Expressing care and closeness through physical touch and through words such as “I love you” or “I care about you.” (Romans 16:16. Mark 10:16)
Can you express affection without feeling love for someone? I believe you can.
Recently we experienced a death in our family. I was standing outside the restrooms waiting for my husband and I was alone. A woman was standing across from me only a few feet away, I did not know her. I began to “lose it” while I was waiting for my husband. This woman just walked over to me and hugged me. She showed me affection. She doesn’t love me, she didn’t even know me, yet she cared for me.
Affection with love is very different. If it were my husband hugging me at the funeral it would have felt very different. Though I felt care and human compassion from the woman, I did not feel the kind of love I would have felt, if the embrace had come from my husband, since our hearts are already connected. The affection would have been felt more deeply, more emotionally. His encouraging words would have been words out of the deep love he feels for me.
Affection can be given to or received from a total stranger, but the affection we receive from or give to our spouse is or can be very different. What do you say?
THREE SOURCES OF LIGHT – Help Us Experience Affection
Light Source #1: Jesus is the Light of the World (John 8:12) Walking in the Light: Experiencing God’s Love and Giving It Away (Affection)
When Lazarus died (John 11) Mary was sad and Jesus wept with her, Martha, and the other mourners. Lazarus was Jesus’ friend and he felt the pain and sorrow that His friends were feeling. The question is this: “Does Jesus weep only for women named Mary and Martha? Or “Does Jesus weep only for His friends during His life on earth?”
Could this Jesus who “is the same yesterday, today, and forever” actually weep for you and for me when we are burdened and hurt by the hardships and disappointments of this life? Do you know that Jesus said that He would leave us another “comforter”? Did you know that this “Comforter” actually lives within the heart and life of those who have faith that Jesus Christ is the Savior who died to forgive our sins then rose again to life? Did you know His love is available to you?
I heard a song on youtube today. The title is “Live Like You Are Loved” and Hawk Nelson is the artist. If you have a chance, you might want to listen to it. One of the privileges of “living like you are loved” – since God truly does love us – is that His promises are for us. When Jesus said He was leaving another comforter and then recorded in Hebrews 12: 1-2 that God is the God of all comfort, that means His comforting love and presence are for you too! You can shout now if you’d like, but perhaps you just need to let God know how you feel about something you are experiencing that is heavy or simply very sad. He cares. He loves. He will comfort by joining you in your pain, letting you know you are not alone….letting you know you are important to Him and loved. He will never leave you or forsake you – another promise. That doesn’t mean we don’t feel alone or abandoned at times, but our feelings are not always good indicators of truth, now are they?
Have you ever experienced God’s affection? Maybe you were in the midst of a painful situation and you felt God’s affection just pour on you. Maybe you felt God weeping with you over a painful moment in your life. Would you just take a moment to reflect on that and thank God for His comfort in your dark time?
Maybe you feel God wouldn’t possibly weep with you or show you affection and comfort. Let me ask you…if your child or your spouse were hurting what would you do? What would you feel? Your Heavenly Father loves you so much that He gave His only son to die FOR you. You are His child! Just as you feel hurt when your child hurts…He feels so much more for you. Ask God to show you the moments he cried with you, He will!
Has God ever shown Himself to you in a way that made you feel just in awe and so loved by Him? I mean the times when you say to yourself…”God didn’t have to do that!” The little “Just in case you were wondering, I love you” Love God moments. That is God showing you affection. Heavenly strokes of love towards His children.
Praise Him! He is so worthy of our praise!
Light Source #2: God’s Word is a lamp and a light, so walk in the light of frequent experiences of doing His Word. Psalm 119: 105
Let’s take time to “do the Book”!
Romans 12:10a, says, “Love one another with brotherly (or sisterly) affection.” Romans 12: 15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
I believe the woman at the funeral showed me sincere human affection. She didn’t know me yet she was moved to show me compassion. My husband on the other hand, would have wept with me feeling and sharing my pain, as if it were himself, affection on a much deeper level.
In times of grief we often don’t know what to say. What if we take Jesus’ example and just weep with those that are weeping. We don’t need to have magical words. That woman in the funeral home just held me. She didn’t try to say anything to make me feel better; she just shared my grief. Remember that, friends, next time you are faced with someone experiencing grief. You might actually say more by saying nothing.
You will be “doing the Book” when you show appropriate affection to another person who is feeling the sting of their circumstances. Of course, it may not be a hug or even a tear drop. It may be a word of “I see you are struggling and I care about you.” Or it may sound like, “I am not sure what is hurting you, but I want you to know that I (we) care and want to help if we can.”
You get the idea. It may be tough to do this, but your greatest effort needs to be focused on showing true affection (sometimes in the form of comfort), to your spouse.
Light Source #3: God’s people are sources of light so walk in real fellowship with your spouse: “the light of the world.” Matthew 5:14
Maybe your spouse needs some “Just in case you were wondering, I love you” moments! Maybe your spouse is going through a difficult time and needs a little extra affection. Would you “take notice” this week of little ways you can lavish affection on your spouse? Would you meet that need this week?
Valentine’s Day is coming! What if you took the whole month of February and not just the 14th and purposefully show your spouse affection each and every day this month? (Really every day of your lives together but this month notice “On Purpose” )
You may be scratching your head a little wondering…”I have a hard time just on the 14th! How can I do this everyday for the whole month?” To give you some ideas check out our Pinterest boards! (add Pinterest link) We have special boards with ideas for gifts and date nights! Realize though it is not just little gifts or date nights, (though these do have a part) but affection can be shared during moments of holding hands while watching TV, rubbing the back of your spouse’s neck while they are at their desk working – my personal favorite, or greeting your spouse with a hug and focused attention, or a kiss when leaving for work. There are so many subtle “touches” that speak affection so loudly to your spouse.
Perhaps you might even ask your spouse to give you a list of ways he/she enjoys receiving affection.
Affection can be shown by your words as well – “I love you” Pet names you call one another “What can I help you with” “Have I ever told you how happy you make me?” etc…
Words of affection combined with affectionate touches can be so powerful in your marriage!
Just a word, remember to show affection to GIVE and not TO GET…you know what I mean. 😉