Forgiveness:
Cancellation or release of wrongs committed and granting instead of unconditional, unmerited favor. Ephesians 4:32
Colossians 3:13: Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
We know scriptures in the Ephesians and Colossians passages above tell us to forgive, but what does “forgiving” actually mean? Does it mean saying the hurt doesn’t matter? No. Does it mean you have to forget the wrong that was done in order to have true forgiveness? No. Maybe it means you need to be reconciled with the offender or the offender needs to apologize first? No. Forgiveness can be difficult, yet God still wants us to forgive.
Think of a hurt or offense you have experienced from another person. What emotions were generated in your heart? Sadness, depression, bitterness, resentment, anger? What emotions do you feel towards the offender? Disbelief, deep anger, fear, anxiety, revenge?
How can forgiving others help your hurt?
When we hold onto the offenses done to us and the accompanying ill feelings towards the offender, they can eat you up inside. All of your emotional hurts will begin to build up and lead to deeper pain for you. These dark emotions may cause physical symptoms. (Sleeping too much or too little, quick to anger, loss of positive emotions, escaping into drugs, work, alcohol, etc…)
Is it possible that God knew what unforgiveness would do to our body physically , our soul emotionally, and even our spiritual walk with Him? You bet He did …and does! But that is not the full reason He tells us to forgive others.
The greatest commandments are to love God and others, right? How can we do that if unforgiveness stands between us? We simply can’t.
There was a time in my life that God was teaching me about forgiveness. I struggled and wrestled with God over it. In my heart I didn’t even know how to forgive those I needed to. The hurt went so deep and so did my anger towards what they did, that I could only mutter the words, “I forgive you because God asks me to.” Did my hurt go away when I got to the point of saying these words? No way, but I knew in my heart I was being obedient to what God asked of me. I could then leave those people in God’s hands and let God be God and deal with them His way.
I am only responsible for me, and I am the only one that can answer to God for my actions.
Some of the people who hurt me, I never saw again and for good reasons. For others with whom I had to make contact, I needed to rely on God to help me love them as I worked through my hurts. Friends, a truth and reality here….Just because you choose to forgive, that doesn’t automatically mean that she/he will behave in love from now on. He/she may continue to hurt you, and you need to decide with God if that person should stay in your life. Not because you don’t want to be in the same room with them, but because it is the best for you at the time. God can always bring healthy reconciliation to this relationship later. God may choose to keep you in the relationship. Rely on Him to show you how to love them the way He loves you. Very difficult, but God does some of His best work in difficulties!
Being a believer in Christ can often be difficult. God asks us to NOT be like the world. The world would say you have a right to tell that person what you think of them, get revenge or lash out, but God asks us to love the unlovable, even our enemies.
How do you do that? You forgive because Christ forgave you…. in all your sin. You love because He loves you, unconditionally. You ask God to let you see that person through HIS eyes, not your own. You make the choice to release them to God because of The One that asks you to.
Friends, God wants to heal your hurts. He does not dig around the soil of your heart to just play in the dirt! He digs out the weeds because He knows what will blossom if the weeds are gone. Feel your hurt. Ask God to heal it. Let the Comforter replace your hurt with His loving presence. Listen to what God is asking of you. (Does God want you to talk to the offender, separate from the offender, forgive the offender? Maybe one or all of these.) Choose to walk in His ways, not your own, and you will bloom the most beautiful, colorful life you could ever imagine in soil where that bitter root used to be!
Ask God if there is any person who has control of your thoughts and emotions due to past hurtful actions or neglect.
Read the passages in Ephesians 4:31-32 and Colossians 3:13. Decide what God is telling you to do.
Forgiveness means to “release the grip on that person” or “wipe the slate clean” of the offenses they caused and which you have carried. By God’s grace choose to forgive and praise Jesus for making this possible by His death and resurrection. He has forgiven us so we have the power to forgive others! Feel the freedom He provides.
If helpful, write down those old offenses, mourn them before God, tell God you give forgiveness to those who hurt you, and then destroy the list as a symbol that these people are now in God’s hands.