Acceptance
Receiving others willingly and unconditionally (even when their behavior has been imperfect) and loving them in spite of any differences that may exist between you. Romans 15:7
Jesus accepted Peter even after Peter’s failure. John 21:17
For years as a teacher or youth pastor, I wondered why some of our students chose to go in a direction that was so far afield from the way they had been taught. Over and over again, “acceptance” seemed to be the motive that moved them. Of course, they had no idea that the brand of acceptance they were being offered was not real but conditional. God’s love for us is revealed in that He does not stop loving us either when our behavior is less than perfect or simply because we are different than other “normal people”. What if you could have a positive, favorable attitude and response even when your spouse fails in some way? Though he/she is different from you in so many ways, what if different is not “bad or wrong” but just “different”? It’s as if “different” has been part of God’s plan all along – snowflakes and even people.
A Worthy Goal:
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage until your children and friends envy your relationship and want one like it.
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss Acceptance together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
LOVE (Speak) —
1. Think of a time when you “messed up” and your spouse reacted with grace and “acceptance”. Did it surprise you? Why or why not? What did that do for your relationship?
2. At what point in your relationship did you start feeling comfortable “just being you”? Could a regular conversation time give you a better idea of the differences between you and your spouse and the ways God could use those differences to benefit the other?
3. Are there other relationships outside your marriage (at work, volunteering, etc.) where you feel more, or less, accepted than you do at home? Why is that? Could that be problematic if you and your spouse can’t get to a place of mutual acceptance?
4. After reading the definition of Acceptance one or two times, determine some specific ways you feel that you have failed your spouse. Express gratitude for how he/she responded or let him/her know – speaking “the truth in love” – how he/she could have shown you acceptance with a more healing, caring response.
5. How have the differences between you and your spouse (talker vs listener, assertive vs reluctant, confident vs timid, loud vs quiet, athletic vs non-sweater, feeler vs thinker) been part of the challenges in your marriage? ….been part of the healthy growth in each of you as individuals and/or in your marriage?
What About the Kids? Ask the kids these questions or discuss them as adults revealing what you have observed in your child(ren).
1. Are there times when you feel sad because you have let someone down or disappointed someone? Who? When? Perhaps share an age-appropriate example of a time when you disappointed your parents.
2. Let your kids know: “I will always love you even if you disappoint me, disobey me, or hurt my heart.” Regardless of their answer, reassure them that you do love them even after they mess up.
Actions:
1. Reassure each child of your love even after disciplinary action has been taken. Don’t leave them to wonder if you love them. Tell them and demonstrate that it was the behavior you reject, not them personally.
2. Pray with/for your child (children) asking God to help your family show love to each other even after someone breaks a family rule or disappoints.
3. Discuss as parents the qualities you’d like your children to possess as they grow up and leave home to impact the world.