Have you ever wondered if you were doing something wrong or just not good enough at what you do to really make a difference? Well, I have. At times I let the circumstances of this life and the “big” challenges make me wonder. In one such “low spot” recently I was sending a text to a friend, and as I typed his first name into the TO: field on my phone, a list of people with his same first name dropped down in a menu for me to select. Though his name is not “Ben”, I will call him “Ben” for the purpose of this update.
I did find the Ben I was looking for, but another “Ben” caught my eye, and I realized how long it had been since I had any communication with Ben – the non-targeted one. I sent a quick text and asked how he was doing. He texted back and within a few days we found ourselves in a long, wonderful conversation about the power of God and His love for us …..especially His love shed abroad in our hearts in marriage.
He and his wife had been a part of a wonderful 2-3 year ministry in Florida where Carol and I got to equip leaders in several 3-month training environments called “NextGen Tampa Bay”. We had targeted pastor couples to equip them in marriage principles then attempt to help them start relevant, effective marriage ministries using Intimate Encounters workbook as their main resource. When, after those 2 + years of ministry we saw 80 or so couples equipped from 25+ churches trained and their own relationships deepened, our hope was that many would start marriage ministries over the coming months and years.
Ben was on staff of a church in the area and attempted to launch a ministry at his church. Just as many of our couples, who were not lead pastors, found beginning marriage ministry without the significant involvement and backing of the lead pastor is super difficult. Ben met similar obstacles as well as some other church dysfunction dynamics that frustrated him. He was persistent and prayerful, but it just did not happen. Circumstances too numerous and too specific to detail here led him and his family to move back to their home state.
He was welcomed onto a staff of his home church and began serving the Lord there. He got to start fresh in a place and with some people by whom he felt accepted and wanted. Because marriage ministry and the principles of intimacy he’d learned and continued to experience were so vital to his own family and those he’d hoped to serve in his new (home) location, Ben was excited to get things moving and begin to serve couples there. However, the pastor was – once again – unsupportive and saw marriage ministry as “counseling” and dealing with “emotions”. That sounds harmless and even helpful to some of us, but not to this pastor. His pastor said they didn’t need that kind of ministry there. He basically stated that folks “just need to read the Bible and do what it says”.
I told Ben as I listened to his story that the pastor is right in one sense, but many of us know the Bible but did not have examples of how God’s awesome Word actually applies to marriage. We needed to be equipped as saints “for the work of service”. Part of that service is loving your own spouse and family well. We must be discipled. Well, of course we both agreed with that.
Ben then told me of the amazing ways God was opening doors to serve couples. Couples in trouble were coming to him and his wife for help. Couples needing pre-marital training were knocking on his door. Even other staff members were asking him for help either with their own or other marriages in trouble. Currently the lead pastor has not stopped or attempted to stop what is happening.
Would you pray now and as God brings Ben to mind (our Father knows of whom I am speaking) that doors would continue to open, the pastor would embrace what God is obviously doing, and that God would send more laborers into the harvest field there where Ben served and around this world to mentor, lead, and model love in marriage and family that represents well the love of Christ lived powerfully in homes – to the glory of God the Father and in the power of Holy Spirit?
As you might have already concluded, my “pity party” went away. I was humbled and blessed to hear Ben say that the seed planted in Florida now almost 5 years ago was still bearing fruit. God’s kingdom and work are just that…. God’s. I am a vessel that contains the treasure of Jesus, but the outcomes are His and not mine. Oh, that I would remain faithful to our faithful God. He is worthy. Jesus is truly our hope for salvation and the abundant life. Praise Him for all the “good and perfect gifts” He has given and desires to give today.