Comfort
(Empathy)
Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses, and physical touch: hurting with and for others in the midst of their grief and pain.
Romans 12:15, Matthew 5:4, 2 Corinthians 1:3,4
Jesus wept with friends. John 11:35
Do you find it hard to know how to respond when those around you are hurting or sad? Is it awkward trying to figure out what to say, what they need, or how to help? Let’s take a few minutes to consider how we can better comfort those closest to us.
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss Comfort together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
LOVE (Speak) —
1. When someone was hurt, rejected, or disappointed in your home of origin, what was the typical response from your parents, siblings, and grandparents? (i.e., gentle words, neglect, advice, a listening ear, criticism, logic, sarcasm, humor, we didn’t talk about these kinds of things, I just got yelled at or told to get over it, someone took me aside to tenderly care for me, etc.)
2. What were some issues that you or your family faced during your childhood and teen years where hurt or conflict happened and comfort was needed? (i.e., death in the immediate family, unplanned pregnancy, divorce or separation, behavioral or academic problems at school, self-esteem/self-worth issues, drugs or alcohol addiction, pornography, an affair, arguments or fights at home, sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal/emotional abuse, parents having “favorites” among siblings, uninvolved parents, etc.)
3. Do you know people who are good at comforting others? What makes them so good at revealing comfort and helping others walk through tough times? (i.e., my parent, my spouse, one of my grandparents, an aunt or uncle, a teacher, a pastor or leader at my church, one of our children, a counselor, a friend, etc.)
4. According to 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, whose job is it to comfort others when they are hurt? From where does comfort come? How do you think we benefit from comfort? (i.e., we know we don’t have to face things alone, somebody really cares even though they can’t make everything OK, we feel heard, we feel loved, etc.)
5. What does comfort look like for you? How could your spouse “come alongside you with words, feeling, and touch; to give consolation with tenderness”? (i.e., my spouse could ask me if I need help or a listening ear, could sit with me quietly while I try to process what is causing me to be sad or hurt, could hold me and let me feel their closeness, could hold my hand while I try to put things into words, could not try to “fix me” but let me simply get it out in the open, etc.)
What About the Kids?
You can use these questions/suggestions with your own children or another Child of Focus – if you don’t have children of your own. Remember that your children are never too old to have relational needs met.
1. What has happened in your child’s life for which he/she has needed comfort? (rejected by someone, endured an illness, a friend moved away, moved to a new location, did not make the team, was yelled at, called a name that could be a negative label, endured divorce of parents, struggled with fear, etc.)
2. How can you comfort your child or a “child of focus”?(listen well, make eye contact, offer words of understanding, remind of your love, just hold him/her, back rub, tenderness, loving attitude toward him/her)