Intimacy:
Deep sharing and communion with another.
(1 John 1:7)
Have you seen reporters on the news go out to a public place and just start asking people questions? I wonder what people would say if I did that and asked them, “Tell me what intimacy is?” I can bet that most would say intimacy is having sex. Would you agree?
The world we live in has skewed our view of what REAL intimacy can and should be! Most of us were probably never taught about true intimacy. We may have learned bits and pieces about it, here and there, from TV, movies or our friends, but let us look at what God has to say about it. Did you know there is much, much more to intimacy than sex?? GASP! It is true!
1 John 1:7:But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.
When we walk in “The Light,” it means we are walking in fellowship with God. That involves being completely open, transparent and honest with God. It means confessing when we need to confess, which leads to freedom in our walk with Him. Walking in the light also means that I take to Jesus not only my sin but also my hurt. In much the same way as He forgives sin that I confess, He also comforts the pain of the rejection I feel. His love and acceptance of us open the way to intimacy with God. We should be walking in this same way with our spouse, which will lead us to freedom in our marriage. Even with children, parents, and other friends intimacy, real intimacy, can happen. We can know one another deeply and care well for each other. Be open to be vulnerable – both to speak the truth in love and listen to the truth in love.
Intimacy with our spouse can happen in many more places than the bedroom. Intimacy can be experienced all of the time. When we share the kind of intimacy described above, we then have freedom, and freedom leads to deep fellowship and growing friendship with one another. Doesn’t that sound awesome! Yes, but how do we live that out in reality?
If you can think of intimacy as “touching base” with one another that may help simplify it a bit. For example: “Touching base” can mean saying “good morning” to your spouse and a kiss on the cheek. “Touching base” is a simple text during the day, greeting one another when you come home, sharing your day with one another, snuggling while watching TV, sharing our hurts in love with one another, learning one another’s relational need and love language and then loving them that way. “Touching base” is a way for you to stay connected, to allow your spouse the security that each of you is FOR the other. We can make it so complicated can’t we, but it really is as simple as the little things we do daily.
At times we might think intimacy is a one-time event. You take your spouse on a romantic date or vacation and romantic intimacy happens. Friend, is that all the intimacy you want or wouldn’t daily intimacy be better? (I am not talking about sex, but daily, friendship intimacy and fellowship intimacy can lead to a restored or deepening sexual intimacy.) Your relationship with your spouse will THRIVE and BE ALIVE when you regularly practice “touching base”.
- Walk in the Light of Fresh Encounters with Jesus – Jesus had fresh encounters with His Father. Right? He spent time talking and listening to His Father God. They were and are “one”. Even today Jesus “ever lives to make intercession for us”. There is intimacy again. Jesus is WITH the Father. Are you “with” Jesus? Is Jesus “with” you, and do you live with the reality of God’s presence?
- Walk in the Light of Doing the Book (God’s Word is a Light) – Some describe true intimacy as “I know you”, “I let you know me”, and we know each other “for the purpose of caring for one another’s needs”. Could you invest a little listen and talk time this week with someone with whom you want to be more intimate? Do James 1:19-20.
- Walk in the Light of Real Fellowship with Believers – Talk with others about their closest, most important relationships. Ask why those relationships are so important. What makes those relationships close? In what ways do you wish some relationships could be closer? You will find, perhaps, that those most important to us are those who took the time to know us deeply and care about us. Perhaps we could become one of those “most important relationships” for others by intentionally building intimacy into that relationship.