Attention: Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking notice of others and making an effort to enter into their respective worlds. (1 Corinthians 12:25 NASB)
For the next few moments, let’s focus on those to whom we give too little attention – our moms and dads! No matter what age we “children” are, our moms and dads need some of our attention! We forget this, don’t we? Surely, we don’t mean to do that, but we are just living our lives, after all. But think just for a moment….If you have small children, they will grow up and leave your home one day. How would you feel not knowing how your kids are doing? No longer will you know how their day is going, what made them happy or sad that day, or of what they are thinking and dreaming. If you have children still at home, especially young ones, at this moment you know so many details about them. One day you will no longer. How will you feel? Yes, your mom and dad may and probably do feel that way right now! If you are excited, your parents get excited for you. If you are sad, worried, hurt…your parents feel it too. This will never end.
We are not talking about your parents taking over your life. What we are saying is simply parents don’t stop having feelings and needs just because we leave home. One of the deepest regrets I (Dave) have is not investing some time into my dad after I left home. Because we didn’t have many deep conversations prior to my leaving, so I didn’t know his needs or what he wanted from me in terms of a relationship. But just because I loved him and wanted to know more about his life, I wish I had initiated conversations with questions. I wish I had listened to my dad’s answers, if he were willing to share.
My (Linda’s) dad always said “I would be his baby”. I am the youngest in the family, and I have no doubt he saw me as his little girl… always. As my dad was dying, he commanded my husband…”You make sure you take care of my baby!” He was my dad even though he was in his 80’s when he passed; he still saw me as his child.
So friends… Can you make time for your parents? Think of ways to include them in your life. I am not saying you should be enmeshed. You are an adult after all, but just remember that your parents still long for your connection and attention.
If you have your own babies…most parents long to be involved with those grandbabies. Your kids are an extension of you, and therefore valued by your parents. Remember that just because you are grown, with your own family, your parents still love you as “their own”. They still need your attention, as often as is appropriate. Seems like a great discussion for you and your spouse or another close friend to engage, and figure out how to show your parents some needed attention.
Call, send texts, FaceTime, visit, include, remember them. Your parents will burst with happiness.
I realize not everyone has a great relationship with their parents. Is there a way to repair that? Can you have real conversations? “Mom, Dad, we really want to include you in our lives but when we do, you get controlling, you try to tell us what to do, please remember we love you but we are adults now. I understand you see me as your kid but I am a grown man/woman. Can you respect me as such?”
Time can slip by so quickly. Carpools, school, after-school activities, friends, life, work…so much can suck up our time but we can choose what and with whom we give our attention to! Will you consider the ones that have loved you even before they saw your sweet face?
Please read the definition for attention again. Do you see that your parents would love your attention?