Vulnerable Communication
“I trust you.” “You are a safe person in my life.”
James 1:19
Enemy: Fear and Insecurity in the Relationship – “You can’t be trusted to value what I say, respond appropriately, or keep private issues confidential.”
A Worthy Goal: (a little “Truth in Love” from TBI)
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage and family until your children and friends envy your relationship and want what you have …. “faith expressing itself in love” – Galatians 5:6.
When you hear the word “intimate” what comes to mind? No, really, what comes to mind? The concept is associated currently with a variety of things of a sexual nature. Would you be surprised to know that “intimate” is in the Bible? Let’s see if we can figure out what “intimate” or “intimacy” is doing in there and what it has to do with vulnerably listening and responding.
Have a great week!
Sincerely,
Dave Lewis The Basic Idea Helping Leaders Live Loved and Give Love Freely….Starting at Home!
Set aside a few minutes this week or plan a date night to discuss Vulnerable Communication.
Husband, would you lead this time? Please be prepared to lead by reviewing the questions below. When ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time.
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LOVE (SPEAK) Jesus made it clear: “love one another as I have loved you”. John 13: 34 – Since He loves us by inviting us to give him our burdens, the Holy Spirit will help us love others by helping carry their burdens. I John 5:14-15
LOVE(Speak)
Please use this Intimacy Scale to answer questions 1 and 2: 0 – no intimacy 1 – some intimacy 2 – better intimacy than most 3 – intimacy worth imitating by others
1. Intimacy in scripture has to do with “deeply knowing one another for the purpose of caring involvement”. In fact, “intimate” friends are those who know each other well and care deeply for each other. How would you rate your level of “intimate” friendship with your spouse? (0, 1, 2, 3) Explain.
2. How do you think your spouse will rate your “intimate” friendship as a couple? (0, 1, 2, 3) Explain and remember the definition of intimacy is “deeply knowing one another for the purpose of caring involvement”.
3. In what ways does being a great listener increase the chances of having an intimate friendship with your spouse? What is it about the ability to listen well that opens up the door to deeper intimacy?
4. Do the Book (Ephesians 4:15, Proverbs 15:1):
How much impact does the ability to “speak the truth in love” have on the level of intimacy in marriage? This week would you make the effort to do Ephesians 4:15 and Proverbs 15:1 and speak truth to others, especially your family, in a caring way? Let’s take the edge off our responses and watch as others open to our words vs. shut down or close up when we reply.
5. In what ways does the depth of your friendship/vulnerable communication relate to the level of sexual intimacy in your marriage? Explain the reasons why vulnerable communication out of bed impacts vulnerable sharing in it?
A Little Help-ACTIVE Listening and Doing the Book
See if this acrostic helps with listening well and knowing how to respond appropriately.
ACTIVE Listening: A – Attend, pay attention, give the gift of focused time. C – Connect, use good eye contact and body positioning. T – Thoroughly listen, let him/her finish speaking. I – Insert reflective responses: “I believe you are saying…” V – Verbalize identification: “I can see how you would feel..” E – Exit graciously, try not to end abruptly, pray, meet again.
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Now — What About the Kids? Ask- Listen- Respond
You and your children may benefit from discussing the following questions with your spouse or other caring adult
– Children are usually pretty vulnerable
1. Do the Book – practice James 1:19 with your children. When your “Child of Focus” (yours or another’s) is speaking, try to look in his/her eyes and listen with your ears and your heart. Notice any differences in the responses you get….over time.
2. Do the Book – practice Romans 12:15 with your children. Ask a child what types of thoughts or emotions he/she has had today or be more specific. Have you been happy today? Have you been sad or hurt in your heart? Offer a happy response to their happy answer and a sympathetic response if sadness was expressed. Leave the advice at the door and just respond with proper emotion…just like the BOOK says.
It’s in the Book!!
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19