Comfort: Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses, and physical touch; hurting with and for others in the midst of their grief or pain. (Romans 12: 15 NASB; Matthew 5:4: 2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Most of us could not imagine not comforting our babies when they are crying. We pick them up, we give them hugs and kisses, and we take care of their need. As they get a bit older though, their need for comfort may not be as clear to us as when they were babies.
The need for comfort may show up in what some may call “whining” or maybe our child is acting out in anger as a child or a teen. These can be cries for comfort based on their feeling loss, disappointment, or alone.
As parents, of course we want to meet this need for comfort. Let’s look a little deeper the next time our toddler, older child, teen or young adult “acts out.” Let’s be prepared to give appropriate comfort and meet a real need in our kids. Let’s see if we can also go with them or point them to the “God of all comfort” as well.
THREE SOURCES OF LIGHT – Help Us Experience Comfort
Light Source #1: Jesus is the Light of the World (John 8:12)
Walking in the Light: Having a fresh encounter with Jesus.
When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane He asked the Disciples, His friends, to stay awake with Him and pray as He went off alone to pray to The Father. Each time Jesus returned to the group He found His friends asleep. What do you think Jesus felt that night? Alone? Hurt? Afraid? In need of comfort?
Let me ask you a question, and keep in mind that I have been convicted of this many times myself. Have you ever thought of the many times Jesus was waiting for you at your usual place of meeting with Him (in my case, at the dining room table), and you just ignored His presence there because you were too busy or preoccupied with something else? I can’t help but wonder how that leaves our Savior feeling.
Let me put it this way. Let’s say you were supposed to meet one of your children at a certain time. You arrived on time and were waiting happily to see him/her but, you didn’t get to meet because he/she didn’t show up. You anticipated hearing about their day, but the time came and went, and they didn’t show. After the initial worry, hoping they were OK, you find that they were too busy to meet you or they simply forgot your date. How would you feel? Do you think Jesus feels that way?
I think He does. I think we can leave Jesus just like His disciples did. His disciples did not mean to leave Jesus alone that night, as we don’t mean to forget Jesus and our meeting with him. We mean well, as did His friends.
In truth…Jesus doesn’t need us, but the amazing fact is…He loves to be with us! He in fact waits to bring US comfort and EVERYTHING we need. Let’s not forget Him or be too busy for Him.
Light Source #2: God’s Word is a lamp and a light, so walk in the light of frequent experiences of doing His Word. Psalm 119: 105
Let’s do: Proverbs 22:6
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Just as the disciples didn’t (and we don’t) intend to leave Jesus alone at times, we may leave our children without the comfort they need and seek.
My husband and I see many couples that were left without the comfort of their parents during their growing up years, and I can tell you, it still affects them today. They still carry around the hurt, and it spills into every detail of their lives as an adult. They may have anger issues or are short-tempered. They may have depression or have trouble letting others “in.”
I am sure their parents, as we, never intend to neglect giving our children comfort, but it can happen. Our children should never have to “ask” to be comforted. It is our responsibility as the adult to see their need and give accordingly. Don’t wait for your child to ask…be on the lookout for ways to meet their need for comfort.
Pass on a legacy to your children of meeting their needs. Your future adult child can then pass that same legacy onto their children and so on…..
Light Source #3: God’s people are sources of light so walk in real fellowship with Your Spouse: “the light of the world.” Matthew 5:14
The older your children get, the less likely they are to show you their need for comfort, so what do you do? You live purposefully. You set up dates with your children, times for the two of you, when you can just have a relaxed conversation. You pay attention to their moods and make the first step to communicate with them. (“I see that you seen to be struggling? I am sad to see you sad. Is there anything I can do to help?”) Let them know you care and are available, but there’s no need to push. Be a good listener.
Make it a habit of doing Romans 12:15a and 15b. Rejoice and celebrate with them when they rejoice or celebrate some positive event or accomplishment. Also, be willing to mourn with them when they mourn. The key is for this to be or become “normal.” You can’t expect your children to open up to you if they never have before. The good news is, this can grow to be normal! Be patient. Continue to ask questions and show concern for what your child is experiencing. Don’t try to fix them or give them advice. Hug them, be there for them emotionally, cry with them, laugh with them. You will be amazed at how soon this may be your “new normal” relationship.