Greetings!
Being able to speak openly and without fear is key, not just in a marriage relationship, but in any healthy relationship. Think about it for a moment – Wouldn’t this kind of freedom to speak honestly be helpful in relationships with people at work or with your kids? This week, let’s talk about how to cultivate this kind of vulnerable sharing, particularly in our marriage and family.
Don’t forget to check out our new Q4K section, offering questions to use as you talk about these relational tools with your kids!
In this email, you’ll find the “Ingredient of the Week”, which highlights one of the essential characteristics of a healthy relationship. Our “LOVE(Speak)” section contains five questions crafted to enhance communication as a couple. We have also included some “Getting Started” suggestions if you need a little direction as you begin.
Please don’t hesitate to let us know if you have any questions or suggestions for us!
The TBI Ministries Team
Getting Started
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss Vulnerable Communication together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “Love (Speak)” time with your wife.
Ingredient of the Week
Vulnerable Communication
“I trust you.”
“You are a safe person in my life.”
James 1:19
“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”
Enemy: Fear and Insecurity in the Relationship –
“You can’t be trusted to value what I say, respond appropriately, or keep private issues confidential.”
LOVE(Speak)
1. Please take the next couple of minutes and talk about your favorite food, movie, ortype of music. Husband, please ask your wife this question, “Would you tell me about your favorite food (movie, music), type of food (movie, music)?” After the husband asks the question and listens well, it will be the wife’s turn to ask and listen.
2. How good were you at listening to your spouse respond to Question#1 …..I mean, listening really well? Did you employ good eye contact, lean forward and communicate great interest with your posture and position, interject affirming words and phrases, and -when appropriate – respond well using phrases such as “that sounds really good”, “you are making me hungry”, “I am so glad to know your interests better?” Now try question #1 again and practice improving your listening skills. Ask another question if you don’t want to use Question #1 again. Alternate Question: “Would you describe for me one of the most fun vacations or trips you’ve ever experienced, as a child or adult?”
3. When you pray together, do you allow your spouse and family to express their concerns and needs: decisions to be made, challenges to be faced, past issues to be healed, dreams and goals, relationships of concern, praises to God for His loving care or His provision in meeting a need, etc? Would you take a few minutes to pray together? Even if you don’t pray out loud, would you discuss some of the suggested topics above, listen well, hold hands, pray quietly or silently, then squeeze hands when you are finished? (Might want to do this privately, as a couple or as a family – praying in public is not the idea.)
4. What do you feel are possible marriage benefits of getting better at asking questions, listening well, and giving proper responses? Can you think of a really good listener in your life? May not be many, but hopefully there are a few. When you have been with that person, did you feel important and “heard”?
5. How do the principles taught in Romans 12:15 help us experience “Vulnerable Communication” in marriage or in relationships with children and with co-workers? How does trust enter the picture when Vulnerable Communication is needed?
Q4K: Yours or Others
1. Feeling Brave: Ask your child. a. How do you know if a person is a good listener? b. Is Daddy/Mommy a good listener.
2. Not Feeling Quite So Brave: Ask your child this question: What would you like to change about today if you had the power or a magic wand? As he/she answers make sure you look at the eyes and notice how the answer given is not just verbal but visible as well. Ask a follow up question, such as: What did you like most about today? Did anything or anyone make you sad today? Who helped you feel important today? (This is not a time for accuracy in an answer but effectiveness as a listener.)
Please remember not to judge or correct the answer.
James 1:19 – Quick to listen!