Discipline:
Reproof and correction when boundaries are crossed and limits exceeded. (Proverbs 23:13, Rev. 3:19)
When you think of relational needs does “discipline” come to mind? For me it didn’t. In chapter 11 of the Intimate Encounters workbook we were asked to mark each of 30 relational needs to indicate how / if that need was met by our parents. I remember when I did this chapter for the first time thinking, “Discipline is a relational need? Why would that be something I NEED?” In my mind I went right to negative thinking about discipline. I thought of discipline as something I feared and certainly didn’t want.
My husband and I are blessed to facilitate an Intimate Encounters group at our church. For the first time in my memory of leading these classes a few of the people said they were most thankful for the discipline they received from their parents. Discipline?? Not comfort, encouragement, love etc…but discipline?? Then these friends explained why.
They realized that, though they did not like discipline at the time, it helped them become the men/women they are today. These friends said that the discipline they received as children carried over into their jobs and family life today.
Hebrews 12:11 says this about discipline:
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
This is exactly what my friends are living out!
Do you see the importance and the need for discipline more clearly now? I surely do! When we don’t give discipline to our children they have a hard time understanding boundaries, they may lack determination, or struggle developing a godly character. Even knowing right from wrong or developing kindness and self control could be delayed.
So many benefits come from appropriate discipline, and Our Father knows we need personal discipline to live a life that reflects who HE is. Discipline helps train us to focus on the needs of others not simply our own. This is one of the main reasons that The Father disciplines us when we have sinned and when we get too self-focused.
Discipline should never be given in anger. Perhaps the reason for my fear of discipline came because it was done in anger. Loving, calm discipline not only lets your child know what he/she did was unacceptable behavior but also shows what he/she should do to correct that behavior. (Ask for forgiveness, correct the wrong, what he/she should do next time etc..)
Our children need to learn self-discipline, and God placed that son/daughter in your family for guidance, teaching, and -at times- discipline. Rev 3:19 tells us that when God disciplines us, it is because He loves us. Love your children well, friends! Even when they grow old, by God’s Grace they will not turn from it and will be better men/women because of it. (Prov 22:6)
- Was our Lord Jesus Christ disciplined and subject to authority? Check John 5:19 and Luke 2:52. Does our being under authority with a right attitude reflect Christ well? Did Jesus ever defy authority? He was a disciplined man and under His Father’s authority even if it cost His life. Luke 22:42
- Would you identify ways you were properly disciplined in your younger years and ways that you were disciplined in unhealthy ways? Would you ask the Lord Jesus to guide you into healthy, appropriate ways to train and equip your children to grow “in wisdom, strength, in favor with God, and with others” as Jesus did?
- Have a prayer time and unhurried conversation with family/friends about your experiences with discipline- good and bad impact. Perhaps reading a book recommended by a trusted Christian counselor or pastor would help you discipline your children even more appropriately.