Security (Peace)
Establishing and maintaining harmony in our relationships and providing freedom from fear or threat of harm through expressions of vulnerability, deepening of trust, and the successful resolution of conflict.
Romans 12:16,18
Jesus promised to be with us “even to the end of the age”. Matthew 28:20
A Worthy Goal: (a little “Truth in Love” from TBI)
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage and family until your children and friends envy your relationship and want what you have…. “faith expressing itself in love” – Galatians 5:6.
I heard this joke long ago: “After a couple had a big argument, the wife dragged a suitcase from the closet shelf and began tossing clothing wildly into it. She said, “I’m leaving!” The husband did the same thing: another suitcase landed on the bed, more clothes flying off the hangers and into the gaping suitcase. He exclaimed, “Well, if you’re leaving, I’m going with you!”
When there is discord in the marriage or family, the adults and the children can start to feel insecure. They may wonder, “Are they going to leave?” or “Is he/she really committed to making this work?” When those around us have to guess or wonder if we truly love them, we may be contributing to their insecurities. Harmony in relationships, especially in our relationship with our spouse, is needed, but sometimes hard to maintain. Let’s take a look at Security and learn how to better meet that need for one another.
Sincerely, Dave Lewis
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss Security together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
As you use this tool – the 52-Week Plan – be sure to make some of the Marriage Staff Meetings fun to lighten things up a bit.
LOVE SPEAK… Light Source #1: Fresh Encounters with Jesus Christ
When Jesus began to speak about departing this earth and returning to the Father, He really upset His disciples. Remember that? They sorta’ freaked out. I think I would have done the same thing.
For a sample of their reaction read Matthew 16:21-22. Peter actually refused to believe what Jesus clearly said.
Can you think of a time when you felt particularly insecure? When my Dad died in 1977 at 67 years of age, something changed in my thinking. I began to feel a heavier weight of responsibility for not only my wife and children but also for my Mom and siblings. It was as if Dad’s death took a protective cover away from us. What about you? Can you think of a time of profound insecurity?
I would like for you to get alone and quiet for the next few minutes please.
Would you put yourself in the position of the disciples? They’ve been with Jesus about 3 years and every day or almost every day have had interaction with Him. He is a miracle-worker and teaches profound truth. He loves them and shows them how to pray and live. Would you let yourself feel what that must have been like for those disciples? Describe it – Feel it.
Now imagine Jesus telling you that after all the miracles, teaching, living, friendships, persecutions and rejections by some, as well as acceptance and love from others….. Jesus is now going away. Before He goes away He is going to be killed. The disciples must be feeling very insecure and alone and perhaps afraid. After all, who is going to protect them from the radical religious crowd that hates them and Jesus.
Finally picture yourself at the ascension of Christ in Matthew 28. Jesus is leaving but then He says, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Ten days later, the Holy Spirit came to the early church and now Jesus’ earlier statements in John 16:6-7 were clarified: 6″But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart. 7″But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you.
Do you have the security of a real relationship with God? Would you ask Jesus to help you to know you are so loved by God that you will have security knowing that He will never leave you or forsake you? There are different types of security but none so firm or forever as knowing you belong to God’s family by simple faith in His resurrected Son, Jesus Christ. I Corinthians 15:1-7
Light Source #2: Frequent Experiences in the Word (Do The Book)
Let’s Do: Psalm 133:1 Psalm 133:1 (ASV) “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For brethren to dwell together in unity”
This week would you pay special attention to building security in your home? What I am asking is simple but tough to pull off. Think of the most secure, harmonious place you have ever lived or visited. Got it? Now what is the connection between feeling secure and feeling safe, protected, and in harmony with those around you?
Would you ask God to create an environment of security and harmony in your home and your closest relationships?
What part can you play? Can you listen more and talk less; or enter conversations more often rather than being isolated? Could you structure your time in a way that creates a calm atmosphere when the family is leaving for the day or returning at the end of the day? What if you did not have to have the last word or make sure others know how right you are? What if we valued other opinions…I didn’t say agree with them…just value them.
For your part in creating unity, keep in mind Romans 12:17-19 – 17 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord….
So let’s Do Psalm 133:1 and Romans 12:18 and build some more harmony and peace leading to a secure place to live and love.
Light Source #3: Other Jesus Followers – Have Real Fellowship with Your Spouse
Please discuss the answers to these questions during your Marriage Staff Meeting and enjoy having real fellowship and deepening friendship with your spouse:
1. Describe two of the most important events in your marriage or in the years leading up to your marriage. How did these events (fun or difficult) build harmony or create disharmony in your relationship?
2. Let your spouse know about a time prior to your marriage, when you felt most insecure, afraid, or anxious. Try to think of an incident or circumstance that was not caused by your spouse. How has that incident or era changed you?
3. What makes you feel insecure or lose confidence currently?
4. Feeling Brave? -Take Responsibility; As you have listened to your spouse talk about times when he/she felt anxious or insecure, what have you “heard” in your own heart about ways you have contributed to that fear, anxiety, or disharmony? After taking time to ask God to bring to your mind ways you’ve created an atmosphere of insecurity in your spouse’s heart, ask His forgiveness. Afterward, ask your spouse for forgiveness for your action/inaction and words/silence. Some of these issues may not involve your spouse directly but may have spilled over on them from ways you’ve interacted with parents, in-laws, children, friends, etc.
5. Not Feeling Quite That Brave? – The next time you sense your spouse’s fear or hear words reflecting anxiety or insecurity in him/her, take the next available opportunity to get alone with your spouse. At this meeting, let him/her know what you see or sense and communicate clearly that you would like to help relieve the fear or insecurity, if possible. Find a way together to heal the disharmony/insecurity. Pray together and give your spouse time to talk. Listen well. Ask how your spouse feels you should proceed. If no conclusion is evident, reassure your spouse of your love and concern and give him/her a time when you can come back together and pray.
What About the Kids? They have “needs” too!
You can use these questions/suggestions with your own children or another Child of Focus – if you don’t have children of your own. Remember that your children or Children of Focus are never too old to have relational needs met.
1. Are you noticing fears, anxieties, or insecurities in your Child/Children of Focus? Take a few minutes with your spouse or other adult involved in your child’s life to get another perspective.
2. Sometimes a simple solution to a child’s anxious heart is your presence – uninterrupted and unhurried. Do something with your Child of Focus over the next few weeks to give concentrated individual attention. No need to spend money or even go anywhere. Just play together. Ask questions. Let him/her talk. Be quieter than he/she is and allow them time for expression.