Approval (Blessing)
Building up or affirming another person, particularly for who they are (as opposed to what they do); affirming both the fact and the importance of our relationship with another person. Ephesians 4:29, Mark 1:11
A Worthy Goal: (a little “Truth in Love” from TBI)
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage and family until your children and friends envy your relationship and want what you have…. “faith expressing itself in love” – Galatians 5:6.
“You are a blessing to me.” “You are a vital part of this family/company/team.” “My life is better because you are in it.” What would it mean to you to hear those words from the significant people in your life? From your boss? From a parent? From your spouse? Let’s take some time to focus on approval and what it means for us to meet this particular need for our mate.
Sincerely, Dave Lewis
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss Approval together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
As you use this tool – the 52-Week Plan – be sure to make some of the Marriage Staff Meetings fun to lighten things up a bit.
LOVE SPEAK.. Light Source #1: Fresh Encounters with Jesus Christ
Here’s a question for you – “Did Jesus know that we would not be a ‘perfect Christian’ even before we came into a meaningful relationship with Him?”
I believe the answer to the question has to be “yes”! Jesus knew our behavior would be imperfect before we trusted Him to be a Savior who forgives our sin. Knowing our behavior would not ever be “good enough”, Jesus still approves of us and calls us His children. I would like for you to read the following scriptures, then read them again slowly, and ask God to help you know more deeply, more accurately, how He feels about you even though you, (as the rest of all the believers) have not kept all the teaching of Jesus.
Here are the scriptures:
The Father loves the Son and approved of Jesus even before Jesus stated His earthly ministry: Matthew 3:17
The Father loves and approves of Jesus again: Luke 9:32
The Father loves you as much as He loves His own Son, Jesus Christ: John 17:23
How does it feel to know that God loves you now, loved you before you came to faith in His Son, and continues to love you even when you mess up?
What is the only legitimate response we can make to that kind of love? How about loving Him back? What a great discussion you and your spouse could have around this question: How would our Heavenly Father want us to show love to Him and how does that compare to how an earthly dad wants his children to show him love?
Light Source #2: Frequent Experiences in the Word (Do The Book)
Let’s Do: Romans 16:1-2 (well actually 16:1-16)
1. Have you ever been around when someone brags about you? How did that make you feel? (pleased, happy, embarrassed, shocked, ??)
2. What difference would it make if they gave their approval of you based on your character versus your behavior or accomplishments?
3. Think of some qualities of your spouse (and children — a little later), and when the time is right (alone or with others listening as you feel your spouse could “take it”) give him/her the gift of your approval by completing a statement something like this one: “Hey, ________ (kids, friends, or your spouse), do you know one of the reasons why I am so proud to be married to you / your Mom / spouse’s name? She/He is so caring or genuine or hard-working or honest or Christ-like or good with money or diligent or compassionate or brave or ….!
We are not trying to embarrass anyone, but it may have been way to long since you or your spouse have been commended to others for who you/they are, not just what you/they do. The Apostle Paul did a super job of commending many of the people he listed – starting with Phoebe – for who they were, not necessarily for their accomplishments.
Would you discuss your answers to these 3 questions as part of Source of Light #3?
Light Source #3: Other Jesus Followers – Have Real Fellowship with Your Spouse
Dr. David Ferguson calls the next questions the “High/Low Game”:
4. (High) Would you tell me something that happened recently that made you feel happy, special, fulfilled, or was a “high point”?
As your spouse answers the question, be ready to “rejoice with those who rejoice”. Romans 12:15a leads me to respond to my spouse, “I am so glad that happened to you.”
5. (Low) Would you tell me something that happened recently that made you sad, disappointed, or hurt (low point)?
As your spouse answers the question, be ready to “mourn with those who mourn”. Romans 12:15b leads me to respond to my spouse, “I am sorry that happened to you. It makes me sad to see how much that hurt you.”
What About the Kids? They have “needs” too!
You can use these questions/suggestions with your own children or another Child of Focus – if you don’t have children of your own. Remember that your children are never too old to have relational needs met.
1. Recently, I noticed my older grandchild helping a younger sibling. They don’t always respond with such care, but I made a big deal of it. I commended the sibling for being gentle to the younger sibling. What qualities has your Child of Focus displayed that are not so much task oriented but character-driven?
(The difference: if a child performs a chore/task assigned to them, you can certainly appreciate their effort and accomplishment. If a child does the task with a good attitude or without being told, now you have an opportunity to approve their character.)
2. How could you create some opportunities for the character of your Child of Focus to be demonstrated and observed? How does your good character help foster good character in your Child of Focus? Where does prayer come in?