Affectionate Caring says,
“I Care About You.”
For the next 4 installments of the 52 Week Plan, we will be exploring the “ingredients of a healthy relationship.” (Affectionate Caring, Vulnerable Communication, Joint Accomplishment, Mutual Giving.)
These 4 ingredients are in Chapter 5 of the Intimate Encounters workbook. Within this same chapter three dimensions of intimacy are explained. (Spiritual Intimacy, Emotional Intimacy, Physical Intimacy)
We will look at blending all of these ingredients within our relationships. Let’s discover how we can relate “I am for you” to our spouse, children and other’s.
We will begin with Affectionate Caring.
Affectionate Caring says, “I Care About You.” Caring involves reassuring your partner and showing fondness, concern and attentiveness.
How was Affectionate Caring revealed in Jesus’ relationship with His disciples? We r ead in scripture of Jesus’ relationship with His disciples and can see Him affectionately caring for them.
Jesus is attentive to their needs. He attends to their physical needs for food and shelter, He attends to their spiritual needs by teaching them and showing them the way of Truth. He attends to their emotional needs by calming their fears and concerns. Jesus consistently showed the disciples, His friends, he cared for them.
Let’s imagine what a day might have looked like for Jesus and His disciples. Surely the times he was teaching the crowds the disciples were being taught as well, but I am talking about th e times whe n it was just Jesus and His friends.
I imagine them sharing stories of the day and Jesus taking the things they heard or saw that day to a deeper level. I imagine them having a m eal together and laughing with the Lord. I imagine Peter and Jesus in a deep conversation in the corner of the room. Jesus lookin g deeply int o Peter’s eyes and speaking reassuring words to him as Peter worries about the future. I see Jesus laying his hand on His friend’s shoulder as the two bow before the Father together. I see Jesus hugging or tenderly touching each of His frien ds good night, even Judas. I see Jesus up the next morning way before His sleepy friends, sharing time with His Father and greeting each disciple as they wake to join Him.
Now, think about what your day looks like with your spouse, children and friends. Does your day reflect Affectionate Caring to them? Do you give these loved ones your undivided attention when they share something with you? Do you have moments like Jesus, in our imagined day above, of deep conversation – just the two of you? Do you share, eye to eye, heart to heart, bowing in prayer with your spouse, child or friend? Does being busy get in the way of special moments to show care (removed a repeat of “get in the way”? It is easy for it to happen! Don’t let it! If you need to, put dates on the calendar for face to face time. Life is too short.
JUST FOR YOUR SPOUSE: It is important to communicate Affectionate Care to your spouse but did you also know it is equally important for him/her t o know how YOU feel cared for? Yes, sometimes we forget that we have that need as well! Have you ever sat down to think about what makes you feel cared for by your spouse? Give it a try! I hear date night!!! BTW: we are not asking you to demand that your spouse show affectionate care to you (demanding won’t work anyway). What we are saying is that they might benefit from knowing what really communicates care to you. They may be trying hard to love you but missing what really means love to you….and vice versa. Don’t let more time go by where you unintentionally miss each others love.
DATE NIGHT: Before your date, take some time alone to sit and think about how you feel cared for by your spouse. What does he/she do that just speaks care to you? Does he/she make breakfast for you everyday, or does he/she make the time for you in the evening t o simply ask how your day was? Does he/she grab your hand to pray for you in the morning before the day or at night before you both sleep? Does he/she show genuine interest in what is important to you? These are example but write yours down and then share and encourage one another on your date night. Just expressing “how” you feel cared for by your spouse to your spouse will actually speak care to your spouse! Imagine that!
Unfortunately there can be hindrances. Anger, hurt, bitterness and resentment can keep you from affectionately caring for your spouse, children or other’s. Do you have any of these hindrances in your heart?
How important is it to you, your spouse, children and other’s that you find a healthy way to heal your hurt and resolve these differences? In what ways are you helping your family an d others cl ose to you accurately know the love of God? Does your spouse know that you are “FOR” him/her?
What steps could be taken to resolve or diminish the hurt you have experienced?
Do you have a trusted friend or counselor that can work through it with you? Can you talk to your spouse about it?
Can TBI be of assistance? We have wonderful Encourager Couples that have been trained in these Intimacy Principles and have hearts to see God’s healing in other’s.
We understand this can bring up all kinds of fears. Few people are eager to dig out the root of the cause for hurt, anger and bitterness but God does not want you to continue life with all that pain grow ing in your heart. This hinders your life in so many ways. Will you allow God to dig out that “hurt root” (root of pain or bitterness – Hebrews 12:15) and plant a beautiful tree of life in its place?