Approval (Blessing)
Building up or affirming another person, particularly for who they are (as opposed to what they do); affirming both the fact and the importance of our relationship with another person.
Ephesians 4:29 Mark 1:11
“You are a blessing to me.” “You are a vital part of this family/company/team.” “My life is better because you are in it.” What would it mean to you to hear those words from the significant people in your life? From your boss? From a parent? From your spouse? Let’s take some time to focus on approval and what it means for us to meet this particular need for our mate.
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss Approval together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
LOVE (Speak)
1. In your childhood and teen years, for what did you receive praise, honors, or rewards?
2. In your experience, have you or others around you received commendation (Approval) based upon character, personal worth, or for simply being a part of the family or company, regardless of performance or good behavior? How was the commendation expressed or shown? Do you feel it is important to commend others for character? Why?
3. Consider the following list of character qualities and choose 2 or 3 that apply to your spouse.
Partial List: honest, kind, thrifty, diligent, full of integrity, faithful, gentle, loving, joyful, patient, humble, person of honor, truthful, merciful, generous, hospitable – makes others feel welcome, wise, spiritual, a leader worth following, easy to speak to, a good listener, strong convictions, follows through on commitments, willing to tackle tough tasks, positive, good, self-controlled, disciplined, etc.
In the near future, when you are alone with your spouse, commend him/her for displaying these or other qualities and communicate your approval for “who he/she is” not just for “what he/she does”.
Feeling Brave – even a little bit?
Next time you are out with your spouse tell the waitress/waiter (very brave) or someone else in your dinner party (brave) one or two positive character qualities you notice about your spouse.
Dr. David Ferguson calls the next questions the “High/Low Game”:
4. (High) Would you tell me something that happened recently that made you feel happy, special, fulfilled, or was a “high point”?
As your spouse answers the question, be ready to “rejoice with those who do rejoice”. Romans 12:15a leads me to respond to my spouse, “I am so glad that happened to you.”
5. (Low) Would you tell me something that happened recently that made you sad, disappointed, or hurt (low point)?
As your spouse answers the question, be ready to “mourn with those who mourn”. Romans 12:15b leads me to respond to my spouse, “I am sorry that happened to you. It makes me sad to see how much that hurt you.”
What About the Kids?
You can use these questions/suggestions with your own children or another Child of Focus – if you don’t have children of your own. Remember that your children are never too old to have relational needs met.
1. Recently, I noticed my older grandchild helping a younger sibling. They don’t always respond with such care, but I made a big deal of it. I commended the sibling for being gentle to the younger sibling. What qualities has your
Child of Focus displayed that are not so much task oriented but character-driven?
(The difference: if a child performs a chore/task assigned to them, you can certainly appreciate their effort and accomplishment. If a child does the task with a good attitude or without being told, now you have an opportunity to approve their character.)
2. How could you create some opportunities for the character of your Child of Focus to be demonstrated and observed? How does your good character help foster good character in your Child of Focus? Where does prayer come in?