Just Take Another Step in a Good Direction…even a small one will do.

“Breaking in new shoes may be better if the steps are small ones at first.”

Yes?

After bringing the weekend’s marriage workshop in Kentucky to a close, Carol and I headed east to visit a friend on our way back to Georgia. The names and faces of the folks attending the weekend training kept rolling through my mind. I had been praying for their progress and healing. God sent His Spirit to challenge, correct, encourage, and teach us how to follow in the steps He was revealing.

A few couples expressed that one spouse was more skilled at sharing emotion, while the other spouse had difficulty being vulnerable or just feeling emotion in a healthy way. That scenario is not uncommon. You and I know that there are many possible reasons for this disconnect. Most of the reasons boil down to this truth:

“Many people haven’t seen emotions expressed in a healthy way, so they may be lost when it comes to know how to show love, to demonstrate how they feel and how to be tender-hearted” How would you respond to that statement? Do you agree?

Have you noticed that people live on differing levels of emotional intelligence and have varying skills for expressing feelings? Those differences don’t have to be feared, but they may be God’s way of bringing two people to oneness where emotions don’t control the relationship but they help connect the couple on a heart-to-heart level. (not too much emotion or too little)

Would you consider taking some “next steps” (old ones you’ve done before or new ones) to add to your relationship tool belt? Finding a healthy place for emotions is not only possible but desirable for couples and families.

The following suggestions can help you begin(continue) talking about the emotional side of marriage and even parenting:

1. Feeling Faces diagram comes from the Intimate Encounters workbook (page 82) we’ve used and taught for 27 years. (see the attachment included below) One idea is to bring it to your weekly meeting with your spouse to ask, “What are two or three of the emotions you’ve felt this week or today?” Allow the question to rest on the listeners’ ears and let them speak about their story as much or as little as they wish while you listen attentively, comment appropriately and experience Romans 12:15 either rejoicing over a happy feeling or expressing sadness over the pain they felt. See the attachment below: Feeling Faces Don’t try to force a response. If some don’t want to respond in your family, simply move on to another or share something from your experience.
2. Have a weekly meeting with your spouse to read scripture, pray (silently if you are not a “good prayer”), watch a Bible-centered movie such as “The Chosen”. Maybe this weekly meeting could include looking at the calendar together for the coming week or month making sure you and spouse are on the same page. This tool can help you as a couple to avoid lots of misunderstandings and potential arguments.
3. Work through a good book on relationships or use a couples’ devotional. There are tons: Love and Respect by E. Eggerich; The Marriage Builder by Larry Crabb; The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman; Intimate Encounters workbook by Dr. David and Theresa Ferguson, and I could go on. Ask someone you trust about other helpful resources. Read it at night before bed or read a small portion before leaving in the morning then talk about it when that evening.
4. Read the book of Proverbs together (Proverbs has 31 chapters) You might read one chapter a day then talk about it with your spouse. Read the chapter for the day of the month: Chapter 21 on January 21st, for example.
5. Use the 52 Week Plan as a short reading together that could lead to deeper conversations.

I am so proud of the Bethesda Ministry folks we were blessed to be with last weekend for investing time and effort to take their marriages to new levels of intimacy. They are involved in a ministry model that encourages discipleship over the long haul and doesn’t try to make instant disciples of Jesus over night. Discipleship, including a great marriage model, happens over a life time.

Following Jesus and being His servant includes serving my spouse and family as a leader who loves each family member and brings honor to our parents by doing a better job of loving and leading than they did, whether it was a great example or not.