Maybe Not Aliens … But Strangers
Ever wonder why other people are so complicated and, well, different? A friend told me this week that he believes marriage is hard for the express purpose of “exposing our stuff; and that we would probably never address our own stuff unless it was at the core of our relationship problems”. I wish he were wrong. But he isn’t or he is at least getting warmer as he approaches the truth.
So why would God sanction an institution that is so, so, so fraught with mines -like a minefield? I have an idea as to why. In this potential minefield we require a map of the location of each mine. That map is the truth of scripture and can be read and understood most accurately in communication with our spouse.
Of course, if we are not yet married, there is this environment called “pre-marital counseling” where some of the hot spots can be discovered and hopefully defused. Even with counseling, Pre-marital or otherwise, communication with your partner and applying the truth of God’s word are absolutely necessary.
Let me give you an example:
Carol and I need affection as one of our top ten relationship needs. After years of believing she wants and needs affection in the same way I do, I finally learned to ask,”Carol, how can I best let you know of my love and affection for you?”
She was not nearly as interested in being pursued in the way I thought. She wants closeness and tenderness and conversations and eye contact. That feels like affection to her. That was new news to me!
Here’s another:
“Carol, how can I build security and safety into your heart and our relationship?” I thought having a firearm in the house securely locked away from children and having clear access to our finances would do it. Those are important but not as important as ……wait for it………… prayer as a couple. I would not have guessed that. She feels secure when she knows I am submitting to God and listening for His guidance in prayer and from His Word, the Bible.
Those Top Ten Relationship Needs we target each week in the 52 Week Plan are meant to help us understand our spouse/fiancé/friends and know them well, so we can do what God through Jesus Christ commands:
Matthew 22:39
And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself
Your neighbor is whoever is closest to you at the time or most of it-your spouse, spouse-to-be, son, daughter,… you get the idea.
Asking a simple question about how he/she feels loved, secure, comfort, encouragement, respect, appreciation, approval, acceptance, supported may start a lifetime of conversations so you fulfill God’s Word and “His kingdom comes and His will is done on earth as it is in heaven “!
John 13:34-35
1 Peter 3:7
If you really want to live well and keep His sayings, then invest in asking good questions and then listen to understand.
It is not easy, for sure; but it isn’t nearly as complicated as the relationship briar patch we create without God’s direction and our spouse’s clarifications.