The Basic Idea has some amazing volunteer couples we call “Encourager Couples”, who have been trained in Intimate Encounters marriage principles. These couples have the responsibility and privilege of mentoring couples in need of help and encouragement, thus the name Encourager Couple. They also equip others to do what they do so that the influence of Christ’s love continues to grow.
We have asked our Encourager Couples – we currently have 26 volunteer couples – to share their story with us, so we may share it with you as an encouragement! We pray you are blessed to hear what others do, as we all strive to love God, our families, and others well.
We will call this Encourager Couple -Lilly and Tom.
When Dave was the Director of the Care Network at North Point Community Church, Lilly applied for an assistant’s position in Care Ministry. Dave was very impressed with Lilly but did not hire her for the position. He continued to be impressed hoping that they could remain connected in ministry. Lilly has served God since her youth and college days in various evangelistic and discipling roles.
Lilly and Tom later attended an Intimate Encounters small group becoming leaders eventually. They attended some of the training at Winshape (Chick-fil- A’s Conference Center in Rome Ga) and continued having breakthroughs into deeper relationships with each other and their daughters, as well as coming to new revelations about God’s love for them. Tom, Lilly and Dave stayed in contact. Several years ago, Dave asked them to prayerfully consider becoming Encouragers with TBI. They did and now they are! Their recent move to North Carolina will add to our number of Encouragers in that state.
Please meet Lilly and Tom in their story below.
Tom and Lilly met thru mutual friends in Atlanta Ga. Lilly was a missionary with Campus Crusade for Christ (CRU) at the time and Tom was a Loan Officer at a local bank.
When Lilly and her roommate, Gina started attending the church where Tom was an elder, God placed Lilly and Gina into the community group for which Tom was the leader. Lilly already had a bit of a crush on Tom from seeing him at church and social events, so being in his community group was both exciting and terrifying.
Lilly was attracted to Tom’s heart for God and how he seemed to be completely sold out to serve God. The fact that he was 6 ft 4 and good looking helped also!
After their first wedding anniversary Lilly and Tom discovered that they did not have the slightest notion how to argue or have a serious conversation in a way where they could both be heard and experience a “Win, Win”. They both felt they had to make the other person agree that his/her way of thinking was the correct way. This would become a pattern for the next 20 or so years.
Tom and Lilly were “serial” Marriage Conference attendees early on in their marriage. It would always help for a while until they had a disagreement then all bets were off. They half- heartedly tried counseling a few times but never stayed with it. They were too busy with church work to make time to work on their own marriage.
Tom and Lilly experienced Intimate Encounters thru their church, Northpoint Community Church, in 2007. The main thing that needed to change in their marriage was that they simply could not converse about difficult subjects without triggering all kinds of past hurts and bad-habit patterns. Tom and Lilly seemed to fall right into the same argument ruts they had been falling into for years. It was so automatic – so destructive.
Their struggle in that first IE group was finding sufficient time to have a Staff Meeting. There was so much material. They had never gone thru a marriage study
that had so much information to read and react to. They still struggle a bit with graciously accepting the other person’s point of view.
Without a doubt the most impactful principal for Tom and Lilly was to forgive each other completely, once and forever for the painful words and actions of the past. They also learned that they were put into each other’s lives to discover and meet those needs that were left unmet by parents, social and environmental factors. Tom and Lilly learned about the connection between their thoughts, beliefs and reactions.
Tom and Lilly continue to go thru IE (and Thrive, a Northpoint study based on IE) with others. They practice carrying on respectful conversations, where they listen to each other to hear and understand rather than just react. Tom and Lilly pursue a “win-win” as much as possible in difficult decisions.
Often as an Encourager Couple, Tom and Lilly will teach Intimate Encounter small groups. As leaders, the Encourager can sometimes be perceived as “the perfect couple” to those in their group, but the truth is….we all have a story and no couple does marriage perfectly. Tom and Lilly learned a new way of loving one another after 20 years of marriage!
You can improve your marriage 100% no matter what stage of marriage you are in. If you are willing to be open and vulnerable with God and your spouse….positive change will be the result! What could be holding you back from being that vulnerable?
Maybe you would like to join an Intimate Encounter small group? Let us know and we can see if one is available in your area! Email us at The Basic Idea