Comfort Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses and physical touch; hurting with and for others in the midst of their grief or pain. (Romans 12:15; Matthew 5:4; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Meeting the need for COMFORT in your spouse.
Ever wondered what it was like for your parents when they were children – what world they experienced growing up? Before my own Momma died December 20, 2013, she and I had that conversation more than once. I discovered she grew up during hard times for her family. Her dad was a sharecropper (one who worked on another person’s farm and was given a meager wage to help plant, tend and harvest crops.). When the Great Depression hit their already struggling family, Momma’ family moved to Missouri only to see a relatives sawmill provide only temporary employment before having to close its doors. The most difficult memory involved picking cotton in northeast Arkansas during the smothering summer heat. She also had some fun times as she and her sisters rode the pony around the fields to herd the cattle into the barn to be milked. “The brothers always found excuses not to help milk the cows, ” she would add with a slight smile on her lips.
Our sweet Momma, who would have been 103 years old March 2, 2016, knew little about the subject we are targeting in this piece because she received very little of it herself during her lifetime. Her need for comfort was mostly skirted with responses of either logic or by being ignored altogether. Momma saw plenty of struggles, but I can’t find much evidence of another human being who offered her emotional support or comfort during those struggles. (If any of my siblings are aware of ways that Momma was comforted by the loving presence and tender words from others during her times of sadness, hurt, or disappointment.
That said, our Momma was a rock of stability based not on her ability to comfort but on her diligence in prayer and her consistent goodness. I believe that one way I can honor her, as commanded in the Ten Commandments as well as in the New Testament writings of the Apostle Paul, is to experience comfort from God and others then give it away into the lives of those hurting friends, family, and acquaintances.
In order to not be overtaken by darkness when we are hurt from not being loved well or disappointed by the misdeeds and harmful actions of others, we must be ready to do something that is difficult for most of us. We must learn to mourn to the right sources of comfort. If the hurt remains un-comforted, our heart may become angry, disillusioned, or depressed.
Walk in the Light of Jesus
Jesus Christ actually mourned His hurt, sadness, and disappointment. We discover in His relationship with the disciples that He often expressed to them His hurt, sadness, and disappointment. Not only did He tell them and “speak the truth in love” but He told His Father and sought comfort from the “God of all comfort”.
Can you hear Jesus asking the disciples to come “pray with me for my soul is grieved unto death”? What would you have done if you had been one of the remaining 11 disciples who followed Him into the Garden of Gethsemane. When our Savior was hurting and incredibly alone while processing His imminent death on the cross, which response to Jesus’ pain would you have been most likely to imitate? Would you have simply slept through the time or ignore Him in other ways? What if you had seen Him sweating drops of blood due to the pressure and strain on Him as He prayed, “Father, if this cup can pass from me then let it pass, but nevertheless not my will but Your will be done.”?
Our Savior who still lives to make intercession for us – praying for us as He is seated at the right hand of the Father – is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Though we can’t go back in time, would you be willing to meditate on Jesus’ suffering and allow our heart to mourn with Him? Would you read John 17 and simply ask God to help you feel some of the real emotion Jesus felt in preparation for the cross? One thing I want you to make sure you “get” is how much Jesus loves you – yes, you. Would you take some time to think of and let yourself be taken to a place of meditation where you actually go over to Jesus in the middle of His sorrow in the Garden and simply sit beside Jesus and perhaps touch His shoulder? If He is pausing in His prayer time with His Father, take time to tell Jesus that you have felt some of the pain He carried into the Garden and that you are sad He had to suffer alone as His friends slept in the Garden and scattered from the cross.
Let’s thank God for John who witnessed the crucifixion and was given the task of carrying for Mary. Even from the cross Jesus was offering comfort to others – the thief who would be with Him in paradise as well as His own mother who was placed in John’s care. Let’s know Jesus better and love Him…all ye little children. God is love.
Walk in the light of God’s Word – Do the Book
Experience John 17:23 and allow yourself to know that “God loves you as much as His own Son.” As you come to grips with His love for you, would you “do the book” by reading then experiencing I Peter 5:7 – Casting all your cares on Him because He cares for you”?
A. Does God love you? John 3:16; Acts 17:25 -Answer: YES B. You are invited to do I Peter 5:7. Would you make a list of 3 to 5 issues that you are carrying around in your soul? It may be something family related, a professional problem, a personal issue, a financial challenge. Whatever it is I want you to tell God about it. If possible logistically – can to “cast your cares on Him” out loud or maybe in written form. c. Allow Holy Spirit to do one of the things He does best – comfort. When you and I are hurt and sadness takes over, we feel very alone and sometimes helpless to change or get going again. Holy Spirit’s name means “one who comes alongside” and I believe during our struggles with sadness and pain, He wants to minister grace and love and comfort by entering that spot in our heart where the sadness lives, expose that sadness to God’s love and truth, then remove the aloneness by reminding us in deep ways that we are not alone.
Would you go there with Him now?
Walk in the Light of Authentic Fellowship
During some quiet time together with spouse, other friend, or other family, you may be asked, “Are you OK? Is anything wrong?”
People see our sadness and when we begin to move away and withdraw or we are have a major shift in attitude or decrease of joy, some who are close to us may ask, How are you doing…really? If someone does and wants to know, maybe this is a way God is blessing you with someone to remove your aloneness, your sadness, and to offer you some of God’s comfort that they received from a previous encounter with Him. “When we walk in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin.” That fellowship brings comfort to us because now we KNOW the God of the universe cares for us more than we may have previously realized. My God supplies my need for comfort and brings others to be His ambassador to help relive our personal pain.
Your spouse is perhaps the one who will ask this more than others. Years ago, I would be hurt about something and rather than “speak the truth in love” to her, many times I would tell her “nothings wrong” when she asked me, “Are you OK?” Had I known and practiced then what I know and seek to practice now, I would have explained what my hurt was, asked her to clarify, and then forgive her OR I would have seen that I was wrong and had misinterpreted what she was saying. In that case I would apologize and ask her to forgive me for being so quick to judge her and so slow to ask a question or talk things out.
In your times of experiencing this work related to Comfort, may you truly experience the gentle, deep comfort of Holy Spirit’s presence and of the loving presence of another person who cares about you. Have true fellowship with your spouse as you offer and receive comfort.
As a time of worship between you and Abba, maybe take a few minutes and let the words of this song wash over you. Maybe you are in need of comfort today and need to hear them.