Security (Peace)
Establishing and maintaining harmony in our relationships and providing freedom from fear or threat of harm through expressions of vulnerability, deepening of trust, and the successful resolution of conflict.
Romans 12:16,18
Jesus promised to be with us “even to the end of the age”. Matthew 28:20
When there is disharmony in the marriage or family, adults and
children can start to feel insecure. They may wonder, “Are they going to leave?” or “Is he/she really committed to making this work?” When those around us have to guess or wonder if we truly love them, we may be contributing to their insecurities. Harmony in relationships, especially in our relationship with our spouse, is needed, and sometimes hard to maintain. Let’s take a look at Security and learn how to better meet that need for one another.
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss SECURITY together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
LOVE (Speak) —
1. Describe two of the most important events in your marriage or in the years leading up to your marriage. How did these events (fun or difficult) build harmony or create disharmony in your relationship?
2. Let your spouse know about a time prior to your marriage, when you felt most insecure, afraid, or anxious. Try to think of an incident or circumstance that was not caused by your spouse. How has that incident or era changed you?
3. What makes you feel insecure or lose confidence currently?
4. Feeling Brave? -Take Responsibility; As you have listened to your spouse talk about times when he/she felt anxious or insecure, what have you “heard” in your own heart about ways you have contributed to that fear, anxiety, or disharmony? After taking time to ask God to bring to your mind ways you’ve created an atmosphere of insecurity in your spouse’s heart, ask His forgiveness. Afterward, ask your spouse for forgiveness for your action/inaction and words/silence. Some of these issues may not involve your spouse directly but may have spilled over on them from ways you’ve interacted with parents, in-laws, children, friends, etc.
5. Not Feeling Quite That Brave? – The next time you sense your spouse’s fear or hear words reflecting anxiety or insecurity in him/her, take the next available opportunity to get alone with your spouse. At this meeting, let him/her know what you see or sense and communicate clearly that you would like to help relieve the fear or insecurity, if possible. Find a way together to heal the disharmony/insecurity. Pray together and give your spouse time to talk. Listen well. Ask how your spouse feels you should proceed. If no conclusion is evident, reassure your spouse of your love and concern and give him/her a time when you can come back together and pray.
What About the Kids?
You can use these questions/suggestions with your own children or another Child of Focus (if you don’t have children of your own). Remember that your children are never too old to have relational needs met.
1. Are you noticing fears, anxieties, or insecurities in your Child/Children of Focus? Take a few minutes with your spouse or other adult involved in your child’s life to get another perspective.
2. Sometimes a simple solution to a child’s anxious heart is your presence – uninterrupted and unhurried. Do something with your Child of Focus over the next few weeks to give concentrated individual attention. No need to spend money or even go anywhere. Just play together. Ask questions. Let him/her talk. Be quieter than he/she is and allow them time for expression.