Affectionate Caring “I care about you.”
“I want to be your friend.”
Enemy: Unresolved pain in the relationship.
I mean, no one would intentionally make a spouse feel that he/she is uncared for, right? Though it IS true that most of us do not intentionally set out to communicate that we don’t really care, too many of us are not so sure our spouse really feels loved and cared for in our marriage. We assume they do. What if we could KNOW they KNOW? What if we KNEW that we KNEW too? Confused? 🙂
Let’s Clarify: Consistently giving to meet your spouse’s Ten Relational Needs is a great way to communicate that you are “for” him/her! Actions of service with attitudes of friendship help us to create an atmosphere of “I am for you”! Affectionate Caring is one of the Four Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship where each KNOWS the love is real!
Would you check out this and the next few weeks of the 52-Week Plan as we unpack all 4 of the ingredients: Affectionate Caring, Vulnerable Communication, Joint Accomplishment, Mutual Giving? When we have looked at these categories, we’ll get right back to the Top Ten Relational Needs…one each week. Thanks for joining us!
A Worthy Goal:
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage until your children and friends envy your relationship and want one like it.
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss AFFECTIONATE CARING together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
LOVE (Speak) —
1. What does your spouse do to help you feel that you have a friend in him/her? (he/she is “for” you)
2. What circumstances or actions currently negatively influence the closeness in your marriage…perhaps cause you to wonder if he/she is really “for” you?
3. Would you discuss how/if you have attempted to overcome barriers to closeness in your marriage? How successful were your attempts? Do you need help? Do you know whom to ask? Are you praying together about God’s solution?
4. What is the potential outcome if you use your remaining years to better meet your spouse’s Top Ten Relational Needs? What is the likely outcome if you are unappreciative, disrespectful, discouraging, disapproving, unsupportive, etc.?
5. Mutually determine at least 3 ways that you want the level of your relationship to deepen over the coming year. Develop a “vision for your marriage”. Will you mark your calendar with reminders to assess your progress?
(Some suggestions to help fulfill your vision… read a book together, do the Never Alone Devotional for Couples or the 52-Week Plan consistently, go on at least one “just the two of you” date a month, complete Chapter 16 in the Intimate Encounters workbook (again), start praying together consistently for your kids/each other/friends, ask us to help you find a good counselor or mentor couple, …etc.
Consider:
If your car breaks, you take it to a trusted mechanic.
If your air conditioner goes out, you call a trusted HVAC repair service.
If your tooth won’t stop hurting, you go to a trusted dentist.
What do you do if your marriage is broken? Should you keep quiet, continue doing the same things that got you to this point, yell louder than your spouse, read a book, ask for help?
Help is available and the answers are out there. Don’t stop until your children and friends envy your relationship and want one like it.
Seriously Consider:
Want to leave a legacy and inheritance that matters? Better than leaving an expensive collector’s car is the priceless blessing of leaving behind the loving legacy of a marriage that clearly illustrates Christ’s love.
What About the Kids?
You can use these questions/suggestions with your own children or another Child of Focus (if you don’t have children of your own). Remember that your children are never too old to have relational needs met. Your children may be too young to answer the questions. In that case why don’t you discuss these questions as a couple or with parents or some other trusted friends?
1. What are some things that happened lately that made you feel really happy and loved? What are some ways that we (parents) help you feel loved?
2. What are some ways you have tried to show love to someone else? How did it go?