As children some of us may have played the game “Truth or Dare”, aka “Truth or Consequences”. We came up with some pretty interesting questions to discover the truth(usually embarrassing) and some weird, at times, dares if the truth was not forthcoming. Then it hit me! Telling the truth or not telling the truth produces consequences either way….sometimes good and sometimes not.
Of the relationship keys I have learned, forgotten, observed, and relearned, in my mind the greatest one is found in Ephesians 4:14, 15. Could we actually do this truth, this principle, we may be able to avoid awful consequences or create some unexpectedly good ones.
This passage states:
14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.
It is true that some folks “can’t handle the truth” (to quote a phrase from a famous movie), but that doesn’t excuse us from telling it. Neither are we exempt from speaking that truth in love. Apostle Paul said we are to be mature not childish in the way we speak to each other. Loving another person requires that we grow up and learn to speak the truth, as Jesus did. Squabbling like 2 year olds or sulking into a hiding place won’t work.
When we and another person disagree, it is very easy to shift into a louder tone, begin to think it is our duty to convince the other of our “correctness”, or shrink away and hold our hurt feelings closely without expressing our hurt.
I am persuaded that many of us struggle(d) with poor conversation skills and had little practice in resolving conflict dating back to our home life. How many times did you hear adults resolve conflict, have hard conversations that led to a healthy solution, or bring the temperature of an argument down to a manageable level on the way to a loving, wise solution?
What if we ask God to teach us to respond with truth spoken in love? What if we practice looking into the eyes of our conversation partner, before any charged emotion enters, and ask God to help us listen to understand, to communicate love and truth at the same time, seeing our partner as God sees their life – valuable, precious. I have never been able to control the other conversant, but God wants to control me. I have heard that “every argument needs at least one adult”.
Let’s be the adult in the conversation by yielding our right to win, listening to understand the other person’s view, and wisely settling the conflict, or praying together or asking to wait to talk at a better time. What do you say?
James 1:19 makes it clear that “everyone” is to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. In verse 20 Holy Spirit emphasizes through the Apostle that “man’s anger is not effective at producing a righteous result”. Read/memorize Proverbs 16:32 and see what I mean: “One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and one whose temper is controlled than one who captures a city.””
In God’s plan each and every choice of life yields consequences – some good and some not so good, but for us, growing up into Christ, speaking the truth in love, being controlled by God’s Spirit gives us the calm and wisdom we need to speak truth in love as He performs miracles of healing relationships though our life.