Have you ever played “I Spy?” “I spy with my little eye,” and then you describe what you are seeing for the other players to guess what it is. Well, let’s play our own I spy game.
I spy with my little eye…..
A boy and girl…..playful looks….. sitting so close to one another that you couldn’t slip a piece of paper between them….mushy talk……Did you guess? NEWLYWEDS!!!!
I spy with my little eye…..
A very tired looking woman…..a man wearing a piece of fabric over his shoulder……both man and woman swaying back and forth while standing….Did you guess? NEW PARENTS!!!
I spy with my little eye………
A minivan…..sports equipment……ballet shoes……books……..mini look alikes for the man and woman……attitudes…..busy schedules….Did you guess? FAMILY WITH TEENS!
I spy with my little eye………
An older man and woman sitting quietly at dinner….travel brochures on the table…..house remodeling……walls filled with pictures….. Did you guess? EMPTY NESTERS!
Last one:
I spy with my little eye……
Graying hair…man and woman…..pockets filled with candy and quarters……the sound of giggles and squeals……Did you guess? GRANDPARENTS!
Our lives as husband and wife go through different life cycles and as they do we need to adjust the way we meet one anothers intimacy needs. As we transition from one stage of family life to another intimacy needs can be at their greatest.
When you first get married, intimacy needs are high as we may come into the marriage having expectations of our spouse. We may expect that our spouse “knows” what we need and understand if that need is not being met. In this stage of family life it is important to communicate clearly what we need from each other. We need to discuss our expectations with each other to avoid arguments as you are learning to live your life as one.
The birth of your first child can be exciting and overwhelming too. Emotions will run high as you learn to care for this little human. Intimacy needs will be great in this stage too, but they may look different. Parents are often tired and can be overwhelmed at times, especially in the first year. Keep communication open and discuss what you are feeling with your spouse. Give support and encouragement to one another and make time for just the two of you. That can be so important at this stage of life.
Your house is wonderfully filled with beautiful kids that give you great joy. You have learned at this stage how to be a parent, how to handle certain parenting situations and hopefully how to meet your kids intimacy needs as well. (Psst.,,Your kids have them too) This time can be very busy as your kids may have full schedules, and so do you. Husbands and wives…be your spouse’s safe place during this stage. At the end of each busy day, sit with one another when the house is quiet and ask about your spouses day, listen and give your spouse appreciation, support and affection. (Whatever their need may be at the time, try to meet it.)
This stage of life quickly, in the blink of an eye, will move to the empty nester stage. This era can have all sorts of emotions. As each child leaves the home to live adult lives, and then the last one leaves the nest, your intimacy needs of affection, support, attention and encouragement may be at an all time high.
The empty nester stage brings a renewed love in your marriage, if you never stopped dating your spouse during the other stages, that is. If you are in the other stages of life, please remember in each stage to never lose sight of your spouse as your forever date. With each family life stage focus on being a support for one another because when you come to the empty nester stage you won’t look at your spouse and wonder, “Who are you?” Instead you will say, “Hey, you! (wink) Looks like it is just the two of us now.” You choose now how it can turn out later.
Each stage of life is a beautiful page written in your life’s book. Your legacy! What do you want to be remembered for? For me, (Linda) I want my family and others to say I loved them well. What will your legacy say?
Relational Needs
Acceptance : Receiving others willingly and unconditionally (even when their behavior has been imperfect) and loving them in spite of any differences that may exist between you. (Romans 15:7)
Affection : Expressing care and closeness through physical touch and through words such as “I love you” or “I Care about you.” (Romans 16:16. Mark 10:16)
Appreciation : Expressing thanks, praise or commendation, particularly in recognition of someone’s accomplishments or efforts. Gratefully acknowledging what someone “does” (Colossians 3:15b, 1 Corinthians 11:2)
Approval (Blessing): Building up or affirming another person, particularly for
who they are (as opposed to what they do); affirming both the fact and the
importance of our relationship with another person.( Ephesians 4:29; Mark 1:11)
Attention : Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking notice of
others and making an effort to enter into their respective worlds. (1 Corinthians
12:25 NASB)
Comfort : Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions,
emotional responses, and physical touch; hurting with and for others in the
midst of their grief or pain. (Romans 12: 15 NASB; Matthew 5:4: 2 Corinthians
1:3-4)
Encouragement: Urging others to persist and persevere in their efforts to attain their goals; stimulating others toward love and good deeds.
(1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:24)
Respect: Valuing one another highly, treating one another as important, and honoring one another with our words and actions. (Romans 12:10, 1 Peter 2;17)
Security (Peace): Establishing and maintaining harmony in our relationships and providing freedom from fear or threat of harm through expressions of vulnerability, deepening of trust, and the successful resolution of conflict. (Romans 12:16,18)
Support: Coming alongside others and providing gentle, appropriate assistance with a problem or struggle. (Galatians 6:2)