Comfort Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses, and physical touch; hurting with and for others in the midst of their grief or pain. (Romans 12: 15 NASB; Matthew 5:4: 2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Comfort for Children
Do you recall how you and your family dealt with sadness and disappointment during your formative years? Did they express emotion and give appropriate comfort? Did they ignore the sadness and relegate pain into the category of “it will be all right – just pretend it is not there and it will go way”? Did they go on and on about it getting louder and louder with every related episode?
Perhaps dealing with sadness and disappointment and pain are not intuitive for us because we did not see it “done” well as we grew up. What should we do with our pain and sadness or with the hurt inside those we love? How might we pass along comfort to the next generation in such effective ways that they will not have to carry unresolved pain any longer than absolutely necessary?
Walking in the Light of Jesus:
How did Jesus deal with His sadness and hurt?
You will notice as you read the New Testament and especially the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) that Jesus spent time alone, time alone with His Father, and was vulnerable with His disciples. Would you imagine for a moment what it might have been like for Jesus during those times of quiet solitude with His Father? Perhaps He poured out His heart exposing the joy He felt over the love and faith he had experienced. Or maybe Jesus cried to His Father about the rejection He suffered, the faithlessness of the leaders, or the unnecessary pain He saw others enduring. I fully believe Jesus did some of these things in the presence of His Father alone.
Walking in the Light of God’s Word – Do the Book!
Let’s Do the Book – Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.
Mourn with Jesus: In your heart would you take a moment to join Jesus alone with His Father, who is also your Father God? Beside Jesus there on your knees or lying prostrate on the ground, would you tell your Father the hurt you are feeling, the pain you carry, and the disappointment you’ve experienced? Would you hear God say to you how much He loves you, cares about your pain, and will be with you in that pain though the pain may not go away yet?
Mourn with your child: Would you offer to your child/Child of Focus a listening ear and a sympathetic response when he/she talks to you about disappointment, pain, and hurt? The comfort you give to your child in listening and caring (versus lecturing or ignoring) may be the most powerful way to experience love for your child and from him/her. Remember, “people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care” applies to children too, even your own children.
Walk in the Light of Fellowship with Believers
Have a Family Meeting
This is not a fairy tale!
Once upon a time, long, long ago in a distant land called Kentucky, Carol and I – not yet married – were visiting a friend who’d recently remarried after his wife left him for another man. Finishing our time together and heading toward the car, I observed their two boys sitting close together in an over-sized chair having a great time just being together. They really seemed to love each other and even to like each other. I asked if those boys got along well. The answer changed me. The parents told us that those boys loved each other and were genuinely happy to be together.
I resolved walking to the car to leave that happy home, that one day – if I were blessed to be married and have children – I wanted to rear my children in ways to help them love and like each other while they were growing up so they would not look back with regret on wasted years of growing up with siblings. Now 45 years later I see that God answered that prayer.
One of the ways He led us to make a change from our past was to regularly have time together as a family. During those times we would laugh (rejoice together) as well as share sadness and disappointments (mourn together). I praise the Lord Jesus for these memories of not ignoring pain and happiness or allowing our children to have to deal with their experiences alone. I praise God that He showed us as the Holy Spirit guided us into truth, that we should Do the Book together. (Romans 12:15)
A Family Meeting of Your Own – “Do the Book” as a Family and Enjoy Fellowship Love and Friendship Love ((Romans 12:15 a and b)
I want you to consider having regular (nightly – if possible) times of asking your family one or two simple questions then respond appropriately- regardless of the ages of your children or how long you and your spouse have been married.
Question 1: Would you tell us something that happened today that made you happy or helped you feel really good? Response to Question 1: Listen well and when appropriate say something like, “I am so happy that happened to you!” or “It makes me happy to know that it made you happy!” You might give them a “fist bump” or a “high five” or a big hug.
Question 2: Would you tell us something that happened today that made you sad or was not such a good thing? Response to Question 2: Listen well and when appropriate say something like, “I am so sad that happened to you.” Or “It makes me sad to see you sad and hurt in this way.” Perhaps touching them or holding them would be a good way to express comfort.
With your spouse or another friend – 1. Would you recall how comfort was given to you as a child…if it was given at all? Would you express to your spouse the joy or sadness in your heart about the way your family, particularly your parents, did or did not enter your pain with appropriate comfort?
2. Would you give to your spouse the appropriate response he/she needs by either rejoicing or mourning as you see the need for either or both as they are vulnerable with you?
As we learn to give comfort in our family we’ll get better at recognizing the need and knowing what to do for others outside our family….whether they are fellow believers or not.