What Does It Take to Be Acceptable or To Be Accepted by Others?
Have you ever been really frustrated when you can’t seem to do enough or be enough to be truly accepted at work or at home or with “friends”? Feeling unacceptable or unaccepted is a lonely place to be, but let’s realize something vital in our search for acceptance. That is this – You are important and whether anyone else recognizes that or not, you are still an important person.
Did you ever see the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life”? The story is built around a man who thinks he has lost his value because his business is in trouble. He thinks no-one needs to know that he is in trouble. His actions reveal that something is going badly wrong, but he won’t seek help from those who care most about him. He’s embarrassed and feels like a failure. He decides his life is so broken that he decides he’s going to end it. Thankfully he doesn’t go through with it.
I learned something from watching that movie. I saw clearly that one of the worst things we can do as men is to try to hide the truth from others. Truth is that those who know us best can see it anyway. Maybe they think we don’t want to hear their concerns or that we want to be left alone in our grief. Hiding our struggles is not the answer. Neither is broadcasting them to anyone who’ll listen.
Let’s get strategic.
- Determine where you are struggling and try to put it into simple terms for your own sake. Settle the fact that you are a valuable member of the human race and you have investments to make and relationships to build with the rest of your life.
- Decide on one or two people you could tell or should tell and get with them in a place where you can talk.
- Be honest with what you need from them or how they can help. Perhaps you simply need to tell them you are having a difficult time feeling that you have value or that your life is important.
- Allow them to tell you if they understand and what they may be struggling with.
- Determine a plan to get together regularly and talk about things that matter to you and to them. That plan may be to speak with someone trained in the areas of counseling or an older man whose life you admire and whose character you trust.
Another way to go about it is to ask and answer the following questions:
- Do you realize your own value and the fact that the future is not necessarily determined by the past?
- Who are some people or even one person with whom you can have a real conversation about what you want to see happen with the rest of your life?
- Where is a good place to have a real life conversation that will provide the time and atmosphere to get real with a friend?
- Would you make sure your friend has an opportunity to talk honestly with you about any struggles he is having?
- What plans can you set in order to take some important next steps?
Here is a definition of Acceptance that may help you understand what you need and what others need from you;
Acceptance: Receiving another person willingly, especially when the other person’s behavior has been imperfect. Being willing to continue caring for another in spite of offenses or failures.