Experiencing God’s Comfort and Giving Comfort to Your Spouse by Walking in the Light!
Relational Need: Comfort Comfort – Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses, and physical touch; hurting with and for others in the midst of their grief or pain. (Romans 12: 15 NASB; Matthew 5:4: 2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Let’s Walk in the Light of Jesus Christ, His Word, and Real Fellowship with Believers
For many of us, giving comfort to another person isn’t intuitive or easy to learn. In some ways we think we have to respond more emotionally than we know how or are able to do. Although we may not be as emotionally skilled to comfort others as we hope, we may have placed an unrealistic expectation on ourselves. Giving comfort isn’t complicated. It can become an appropriate response to a heart-felt need of another human being.
Think of something in your spouse’s world that happened in the past few months or within the last year that was difficult for her/him to endure. Was it something with the kids or grand kids, with extended-family, with co-workers or neighbors, or a personal trauma involving health or an injury?
Would you describe it here?___________________________
Here are a few possible scenarios in case you can’t think of an actual painful experience to use for our 52 Week Plan this week.
Scenario A: Husband comes home from work and finds his wife alone in the bedroom sitting quietly. He discovers that she just got the word that her mother’s dementia has taken a big downward turn since the last time she had visited her.
Please write below some typical responses a husband may give to his wife in such a situation:
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Scenario B: Wife gets a phone call from her husband who just found out his division is being cut from the corporation and outsourced to another company. In 6 weeks he will be without a job, and he is wondering how in the world they are going to make it on just her salary and unemployment compensation.
Please write below some typical responses a wife may give to her husband in such a situation:
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Walking in the Light of Jesus:
Do you recall the story in John 11 of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead? Do you know what He did when he saw how sad Lazarus’ sisters and friends were over Lazarus’ death? Knowing that He, Jesus, was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, Jesus still wept when He saw their sadness. Jesus “mourned with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15b)
Jesus is the Word of God and He did for Mary and Martha what He wants us to do for each other. God put in The Book/The Bible what we are to do for those who are sad or hurting. We are to comfort them with appropriate responses, words, touch, and actions.
In preparation for comforting others, would you write a sentence or two to respond appropriately to the scenarios above – either the one you wrote from your spouse’s experience or the examples given.
Appropriate emotional response – giving comfort ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Now picture Jesus outside Lazarus’ tomb weeping with Mary and Martha. Would you allow the tomb of Lazarus to hold, not a body, but your object of sadness? Would there be the loss/death of a job, a hope, a dream, a relationship? Now picture yourself outside the tomb standing with Jesus and turn your face to Him as tears run down His cheeks into His beard.
Those tears are for you. Jesus is sad for you. Hebrews 13:8 reminds us that Jesus is the same – yesterday, TODAY, and forever. In Jesus’ heart, you and I are just as loved as Lazarus and just as valued. Would you accept His tears or sadness for your hurt and disappointment? Don’t run away from Him; run to Jesus.
Walking in the Light of His Word is such a wonderful privilege. God removes lies with His truths.
Let’s Do 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 tells us that God is “Lord of Mercy” and “God of all Comfort”. The passage states that “He comforts us in ALL our affliction” so that we “can comfort others in any affliction” with the same “comfort we ourselves have been comforted by”.
Let’s break that down in reverse:
a. We can comfort others: OK, so part of God’s plan is for us to offer comfort to others. When our spouse is hurting, God wants us to comfort him/her as needed.
b. We can give some of the same comfort we received from Him: That is why Walking in the Light of Jesus is so important. We need comfort from Him directly at times, don’t we? I believe that many people have no idea how to deal and heal their pain or loss in healthy ways. Some run to alcohol, drugs, sex, work, money, position, power or other “gods” in order to find a distraction from their hurt/pain/sadness/disappointment. But those things only temporarily give relief. The hurt returns with greater intensity when the effects of those “false gods” wear off.
c. He is the Lord of Mercy and God of all comfort: The God of All Comfort offers to comfort us directly….take it, receive His loving presence in your pain to give you hope and perspective. Yes the problem is great, but He is greater still.
Walk in the Light of Fellowship with Your Spouse Even if he/she is not a Christ-follower and you can’t have deep fellowship, you can show love and deepen your friendship with your spouse.
Here is an outline to use in your Conversation of Comfort:
A. Ask- Can you tell me about the situation that caused you to be so sad, so disappointed and hurt?
B. Listen – Just Listen – then listen some more. Look at his/her eyes and Listen.
C. Respond when appropriate by saying, “I am so sad that happened to you.”, “I love you and it hurts me to see you hurting.”, “I can’t fix it, but I do care and am with you. If I can help you deal with this, I want you to know I will. I am here for you if or when you need me to be.”
D. Don’t move into giving advice or logic or getting angry toward those who caused the problem for your spouse. Just focus on his/her pain and mourn with him/her in the ways just described.
E. Pray over / for him/her a simple prayer asking God for His wisdom and His comfort for your spouse and you.
Finally, we think of people needing comfort in the wake of a death in the family, a devastating illness, or severe financial set back. Comfort is needed then, for sure; but what about the small disappointments and hurts. What about the comfort a humble confession brings when you and I hurt our spouse and personally cause the hurt. What if every time we messed up and hurt our spouse, we owned it, took responsibility, and confessed our faults. Confession and forgiveness offer a way to short-circuit the negative impact of a painful situation – especially one we caused. We should not “let the sun go down” on the hurt we caused and the anger that is festering inside.
As we practice “walking in the light of Jesus, His Word, and true fellowship” during the day-to-day occurrences of sadness, we are allowed to practice “mourning with those who mourn” in preparation for mourning with others in the great tragedies of life. If we live long enough we will inevitably face deep difficulty and tragedy. We might as well be ready for it as the Holy Spirit guides us into all truth.