SEE BOLD AND BIG BELOW IN 5TH PARAGRAPH – (I would not do the resend on an article i just sent, but this edit is prerry important for clarification!)
Didn’t Live Up to Expectations!
This mailbox cover was reasonably priced and looked great when installed, BUT just a few weeks after I installed it… Well, you see the problem. Not all things or people live up to our expectations or their promises.
I had the privilege of being interviewed recently by a college student working on a project for her class. She wanted to know about my experiences with dating and with marriage during my 20’s, as she and others are to compile “Wisdom for Relationships in Dating and Marriage”….something like that. As you might imagine, I didn’t have trouble giving her a 45 minute interview on that subject.
In preparation for the Q & A I tried to answer each with simple, clear responses based on my experiences. I will attach it below in case you are interested. The point is simple. The application is not. When I dated the wonderful young ladies I was privileged to know in high school and college, I really didn’t know how to get to know them or build a friendship. I fell into the cultural maze communicated by popular music, TV shows, and movies. My friends had more influence on my dating than God’s Word had all too often. I was more interested in how they looked or how they made me look and feel versus caring about knowing them and being a blessing to them.
Meeting Carol in college, getting to know her the best I could and taking time in our relationship led me to develop a love for her that I had not know for any other. The more time I spent with her; the more time I wanted to spend with her. The longer we dated; the more I knew that I wanted to marry her and have a family with her. We met 52 years ago, and after one year of dating and another year of being engaged, we married on December 30, 1972. How about that!
Though I tried (unintentionally at first) to change her to be like me in many ways, she did not nor could she meet all my expectations, my needs, or my desires. Unlike the mailbox cover pictured above, I could not and would not exchange her for another item. I think they call that divorce. We kept all talk of divorce out of our communication.
Two of the most important lessons I have learned and that turned our relationship from average to abundant are these:
- Be honest about your needs and wants, listen to get to know her needs and wants, then trust God to meet your needs the way He chooses rather than demands (expect) your spouse to meet them all.
- The second most important relationship principle is this: Work at knowing your spouse and put her needs before your own.
By the way, in applying these two principles – imperfectly but intentionally,I have found that she is actually meeting more of my needs and wants and showing more care for me than ever. She likes me. I like her. Friendship is growing even after 50+ years.
She loves me and wants to spend time with me. I love her more deeply and know her better. She and I have fun together and share common interests and goals.
We have become friends in a growing relationship with Jesus Christ and each other.
That is the fulfillment of a dream and desire I have had since I started dating. I wanted to grow old with someone who likes, loves, and wants me around.
Robin Williams, the late actor/comedian, is quoted as say,
““I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.” –
Robin Williams
You and I don’t have to grow old that way or live another day that way…alone. God didn’t build us to be alone – unknown and unloved.
John 3:16 – He loves you.
Psalm 139:13-16; Jeremiah 1:5 – He knows you.