Respect
Valuing one another highly, treating one another as important, and honoring one another with our words and actions. Romans 12:10; 1 Peter 2:17
Jesus valued the adulterous woman brought for judgment. John 8:10-11
Respect, thought of perhaps as more of a male need, is equally important to woman. Matter of fact, why couldn’t each spouse be the #2 priority for the other just behind a relationship with God. I think God would respect that, too. Being #2 behind Jesus might just be the most secure spot we could occupy even if the love songs say differently.
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss RESPECT together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
LOVE (Speak) —
1. Are you familiar with the song “R-E-S-P-E-C-T”? You may not even know who Aretha Franklin is, but she made this song famous in the summer of 1967. In your home growing up, in school, in church, or anywhere in your child and teen years, how did you want respect shown to you? Who showed you respect?
2. Think of a person you feel is highly respected. How would you show respect if you were in her/his presence? List 2 or 3 ways you would make sure the person knows you respect him/her.
3. Write the definition in an expanded form and personalize it with ways you would like others to communicate respect:
“Respect – to value and regard highly; to convey great worth by _______________________, ________________, and _________.”
(List at least 3 ways you hope to have respect communicated to you that would help you feel valued and highly regarded, that you are high on spouse’s priority list.)
4. Feeling Brave?
Ask your spouse to evaluate you on how well you show respect to others. In the evaluation your spouse could include how well you show respect in conversations by listening thoroughly and responding appropriately, how often you ask questions then listen for the answer, or how much you dominate conversations versus allowing others time to express their views. Maybe you could ask for an assessment of how much respect you demonstrate to your children, to extended family members, or to friends outside the family during discussions in which you are a participant. Don’t ask if you don’t think you can handle the answer. See #5. Remember, we are trying to promote communication and growth, not start World War 3. : )
5. Not Feeling Quite so Brave?
So, the next time you have a chance to listen to your spouse in an extended discussion make sure you turn toward her/him, make good eye contact, and listen intently – perhaps you could ask the kids to wait until you two are finished talking, you might just turn off the TV or other noise-maker, or you could make sure in other ways that you two will not be interrupted.
At an appropriate time in the discussion ask if he/she wants you to comment or to just listen. (Feel it or Fix it?)
Respond accordingly – Let her/him know kindly that you heard what was said.
What About the Kids?
You can use these questions/suggestions with your own children or another Child of Focus (if you don’t have children of your own). Remember that your children are never too old to have relational needs met.
1. If you were still a child or teen, how would you want your parents to show they respected you and valued you highly? How can you take this information and use it to better show respect / value to your Child of Focus?
2. Do you feel you have been disrespectful to your children while at the same time expecting them to respect you? I believe children are to respect their parents. How much easier would it be for them if they watched adults (parents) show respect to one another and to them along the way as they grow and develop? Just a thought…….