R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Respect: Valuing and regarding another highly; treating another as important; honoring another
How would the world change if we respected, highly valued every person as important rather than disrespecting them in word or action, revealing the disrespect for them that we already harbor in our hearts. Oh, I don’t mean we don’t critique or give constructive criticism. I simply suggest – but not easily perform – that we show respect by giving answers truthfully but lovingly; honestly but kindly. In our world of division along so many manufactured lines, showing respect and valuing others highly is rarely modeled in media, community, church, or homes. But we can change all that.
A very smart man said in a sermon several years ago, “What you wish you could do for everyone, do for one.” I have a suggestion! Bet that doesn’t surprise you, does it?
Actually I have a couple of questions in keeping with the theme of this last few months of 52 Week Plans.
Question 1: With what person do you think learning and applying the skill of “speaking truth in love” and “being honest with kindness” should begin?
Question 2: In your life, who did that for you? Who was truthful but loving at the same time? Who, knowing you would not necessarily think they were being kind, spoke some hard truths to you but did so kindly? When did it dawn on you that this person did a tough thing for them but a good thing for you?
Question 3: What differences would it have made, potentially, in your relationships – present or past – if you had practiced telling the truth in love to others? What about if others had told you the truth in love? Maybe it would have made a difference but maybe not.
See, being respectful and showing you value a relationship doesn’t mean that you keep the peace at all costs. Showing respect means that eventually we get around to telling them hard truths. My guess is that peace at all costs isn’t always that peaceful anyway. It is like the old commercial line: “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” Well, if you care about and value the life of your friends, you wouldn’t let them drive drunk, would you?
Similarly, people you respect sometimes simply need for us to tell them, “Hey, Mr. Co-worker, I appreciate the ride, but we really need to be ready a little earlier, because I could lose my job if I continue to be late for work.” Or to a boss, “The method our company is using is making us lose money. Would you be open to a suggestion from someone who works in the field with this every day?” Or perhaps to a spouse, “Your behavior around our friends seems flirtatious and hurts me to the point I don’t want us to go any longer. You may not see it, but I believe others do. I do.”
I know the three examples I gave above are not common occurrences necessarily, but do you get the idea? In one very real-life situation I discussed recently, a friend of mine was released from a great position with a great company because he was unwittingly hurting his reputation and the company’s effectiveness. He simply no longer fit. Though he was devastated at first, he eventually discovered that he was much better suited to work in another field. Last I heard, he was thriving. He heard “truth spoken in love”, but it didn’t feel like love and he didn’t agree that it was truth…at the time.
What a world it would be if we spoke truth in love at home and at work and at church and in politics. We can’t always do that because we know the reactions of some. At times we must simply keep our mouths shut and live the truth personally even if others won’t hear it or don’t believe it. I am responsible to God for me, and I cannot control how you respond to God or to me. I am learning that the hard way.
I neither show that you are important, nor do I indicate that I respect you by lying to you or ignoring dangers that you are facing due to your choices. Jesus and you/I must determine when or if we try to intervene. Sometimes we simply can’t, but there are times we simply must. That’s where prayer and Holy Spirit come together to give us wisdom and discretion.
(The picture at the top is just cute. It illustrates that sometime what we need is a funny little playful kick in the seat or at other times a swift kick in the seat…spoken in love, of course.)