Attention : Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking notice of others and making an effort to enter into their respective worlds. (1 Corinthians 12:25 NASB)
This week our plan may be a little heavier than usual, but we feel it is very important and needs to be addressed . Our topic this week is “teen suicide”.
I (Linda) mentored a young girl. She was a family friend who had recently become a believer. She was always smiling and full of laughter with her very promising future ahead of her. She was 15 when she committed suicide.
I was at my desk at work when my friend called me. She asked if my son had told me about Amanda (that is not her real name, but you can understand why I should change the name). I said, “no, why?” (my son was home sick so not at school that day) My friend told me that Amanda killed herself. I literally screamed right there at my desk! I had no idea! I met with her regularly! She never said she was sad…she always smiled! I cried and yelled uncontrollably as my co-workers tried to help me.
I will never forget that day as long as I live. This was almost a decade ago, yet I still think about what her life would be like if she just reached out to someone, anyone! If she had just stuck it out another day, waited through the pain….where would she be today, what would her life be like today? It makes me so sad and, yes, a little angry, if I am honest.
She was a brand new believer! I felt responsible in a way, so did my son..should we have thought more about the questions she asked, should we have known in some way that she was dying inside from the pain she carried? It still breaks my heart to think about the young, sweet girl I knew – whose life is no longer a light in this world.
Our Top Ten Relational Need of focus this week is “ATTENTION”, and we are especially attempting to do a better job of meeting the need for Attention in our children. Do you know our kids are crying out for our attention? If we don’t show them the much-needed attention, they may begin to question their worth? I am talking about healthy attention, not attention that spoils. Healthy attention conveys..I love you so much, I care for you, I am interested in what interests you, you matter, you belong, I need you in my life and you are a part of this family.
Can you imagine what children think, if / when they do not feel what I just described as healthy attention? Children do not think like adults. They trust the adults in their lives, and if it is conveyed to them, by words and actions, that they matter or don’t matter that is often how they formulate what they believe about themselves.
Did you know that suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for ages 10-24? This is a very sad statistic! Our kids are crying out…”do I matter? Does anyone care? What is my worth in this world?” Moms and dads…you are the loudest voice in your child’s life. You can make a difference in their worlds.
This is not a guilt session, but maybe a wake-up call. Do you know your kids fears, dreams, vision, and challenges? Are you aware of their hurts or what’s happening at school or within their social circles? Those are often the influences that hurt their hearts. Ask your kids…be involved. If they get upset with you…so be it! At least they know you care for them.
Do you tell them regularly what God thinks of them, what you think of them? This can make such a huge difference in their world. Never let it be a question to them of what you feel about them. They should never have to wonder, but just always know it. Does that make sense? Your kids should feel and know how deeply you care and love them. It should never be a question. When we love another person, that person should know it. At least we can do our best to communicate on many levels. We can help supply physical needs, speak words of love and care, pray for them and with them, hug them, and give the gift of appropriate human touch.
This is accomplished by the attention you give or don’t give. When a child feels they are given full healthy attention, they won’t doubt you love them. They won’t doubt they are cared for, but if they don’t receive the attention they need they wonder…”Am I loved? Do they care?”
In this world their are many voices that speak into your child’s heart. Let your loving voice be the loudest! Get help from other trusted adults and let others reinforce how loved that child is. Enter his/her world. Share the love of God with them, and teach them how deeply the Lord loves them.
I personally have struggled with thoughts of not wanting to live. I am so thankful at my darkest time that I held on. If I hadn’t, I would have missed all that I cherish now. A friend reached out to me and took the time to enter my world. She loved me through a very dark time.
The darkness has passed and I would never have gotten to experience all that I do now, if I continued to believe I didn’t matter. Friends…If you or a loved one is suffering in pain, may I tell you…God can heal! I did not receive healthy attention as a child and that contributed to feeling that I didn’t matter. I learned… I believed a lie. I believed I never mattered in my childhood so I believed that I didn’t matter as an adult. This is a lie because God tells us we do matter. If my young friend could have seen the very long line at her funeral, she would have known that what she believed about her worth was a lie too. She mattered very much to so many.
This is such a hard but real topic. My heart breaks if you too grew up feeling you didn’t really matter. You do friend, you do! It is only by believing the truth of what God tells you and not what you grew to believe or feel! Maybe you are struggling as an adult or maybe your child is struggling…reach out…. We are here, people in your lives care.
I can’t help but wonder what my young friend would have grown to be if she only said something. I sometimes wonder what I would have become, if my friend hadn’t help me..
Reach out! Be the difference in your kids life!
Ways to Show a Child Appropriate Attention – to enter his/her world:
- Play with them in ways that allow conversation during or after the play.
- Attend events that are special to them. Sometimes take them with you to let them know your world too.
- Ask questions about their world and listen well. Use the feeling faces sheet attached below as a dinner-time conversation starter – asking “Can you find a face that shows how you felt today – one positive and one negative? (Feelings Faces scanned from The Intimate Encounters book page 82)
- Help them find something where they can excel – whether or not it is “THE” thing you hoped it would be.
- Pray with them each night and thank God for them. Even spend time praying over them as they sleep. Make God’s Word a joyous part of your life with stories and illustrations and scripture memory – not heavy-handed pressure, but perhaps a scripture memory game where the family learns a verse then each one adds the next word in the verse as you go around the family circle. Reward them for it!
- Help them buy something that is important to them-let them earn some of the cost and you chip in the rest – especially if the item is good for them and something they see as important/enjoyable.