Special: (C) Courted
Secure Protected Enjoyed Courted Intimate Affirmed Led
DATE NIGHT!!!! We know we should have date nights but who has the time and sometimes the money??? We hear this all of the time from couples. Dating or Courting your spouse is the key to keeping intimacy and friendship in your marriage. We ALWAYS make time for what is important to us. Is your spouse important enough???
C: Courted
The Key to Courting your spouse means giving your spouse your undivided attention.
So what does COURTING actually DO emotionally for your spouse? Well, let’s look at it from a woman’s and man’s perspective.
From the man’s perspective: (aka Dave Lewis’s perspective)
When my spouse plans a special evening with me, a date, a trip, or even a special meal with me in mind, those times are very special. The idea that my wife wants to be with me and would take time to plan the date, pick the place, prepare the meal, and be with me meets so many needs all at once. I feel that she is being attentive, showing respect and making me feel valued, being appreciative of our relationship, encouraging me to want to help her feel just as loved, and simply helping me feel really loved and wanted.
I don’t know for sure but having grown up in a home where attention was hard to find and focused time was almost non-existent contribute to my appreciation when I am courted by my wife. The evening or date time doesn’t have to cost much money or even involve an overnight trip. When she sits with me on the sofa and holds my hand during a talk, when she looks across the table from me and smiles, when I look at her and she is looking at me not past me, and when she asks questions and just wants to know how I am doing; all these things make me feel loved and wanted.
One of the most special ways she has “courted” me is when she has surprised me with a trip out of town overnight or for a few days and has planned it all out. When she calls me to tell me to be ready for a surprise trip when I get home from work or even when she would come by to pick me up at work and not tell me anything about what she’s up to, those times stand out as very special.
Now, I know we can’t do that all the time…..other things must be considered…money, time, schedules, family needs…but when they have happened, I really feel loved and wanted.
Because we are in this stage of life as empty nesters, we have more time together than ever. So much of the courting happens on a smaller scale than a planned trip away together. We are traveling together and enjoying time in the car talking and just being together. We are eating out more due to our travel so we get to make those times special as we try to use our best manners, show courtesy with opening doors for her, (as I am writing this I realize that I can do this much better and much more often), and using our face to face time at the table to talk about things that matter to each other, we are blessed to court each other even after 40+ years of marriage.
Our Father has shown us so much grace and love and we are attempting to love each other better and better and deepen our intimacy on every level as we remove aloneness from our spouse’s heart.
From a woman’s perspective: (aka Linda D’Avanzo, Dave Lewis Admin. Assistant’s, perspective)
For me, as a woman, date night just fills up my soul. I feel closer and more and more in love with my honey when we have a date, especially if he plans the date! We recently began again, since we slacked off a bit, to pick one night a month that we each plan a date night. One night a month, I will plan the date completely and another night in that same month he will plan one. We have other together nights in the month but these are special dates.
We plan these dates at the beginning of the month. We have a very full schedule all of the time so we have to plan in advance if it is going to happen. That planning in advance speaks “I love you” as well because we are “making” the time for one another.
I love to see where and what my husband has planned and I will tell you why. Even though I know this is not always easy for him to plan, it speaks, “I am paying attention to what you enjoy” to my heart. It also shows me how much he cares for me to step out of his comfort zone to plan a date that I will love instead of something he might enjoy more. This screams I love you to me! I feel so special and loved especially during these times.
Men, open the car door for your lady, not just on date night but every time you ride together. This is another form of courting. This just makes me feel more like a lady when my hubby does this simple gesture. I know some women may say, “nah, you don’t have to do that!” May I suggest to do it anyway. Deep down your wife will feel so very special if you do.
For me, courting is an everyday type of thing. Think about how you treated your wife before she was your wife. I bet you were always trying to “win her!” Well after the ring that should continue! Find out what speaks “you are special” to her heart. Make her coffee every morning, vacuum the house, bring her an unexpected, for no reason gift and of course plan special dates for something she really enjoys and enjoy it with her. Simple everyday gestures will always lead your hearts towards one another.
As you can see men and women feel courted in different ways but we both want to be intimately connected with our spouse, we just get there a differently. Take the time to discover what your spouse loves and what makes them feel SPECIAL. You both will become more emotionally connected and in some ways…like newlyweds again!
WHAT WILL YOU DO THIS WEEK TO MAKE YOUR SPOUSE FEEL COURTED!?