Affection
Expressing care and closeness through physical touch and through words such as “I love you” or “I care about you.” (Romans 16:16, John 13:1)
Why do we think passing our faith to the next generation is so hard? Truth is – we are passing our faith down every day. The difficulty may not be in passing down our faith, but in two other areas:
1. Is ours the faith God wants?
(Our living authentically – “faith that expresses itself in love.”)
2. Is our faith what our children need to emulate and will they?
(Our kids adopting an authentic faith of their own.)
Could it be that too many of us don’t really know how authentic “faith that expresses itself in love” operates? In other words, is what we are passing down an authentic “faith that expresses itself in love”? Is it the kind of faith our kids actually aspire to embrace for themselves and their families?
Would you join me this week examining how well we are representing this kind of relationship with Jesus to our kids and grandkids? Where progress is needed in the example we are setting, could we prayerfully trust God to change us into faithful followers of Jesus who express love powerfully and clearly to our children and family?
More is at stake than you may know.
*(If you have no children, the Lord Jesus may bring other children into whom you can invest. We call these nephews/ nieces, neighborhood kids, etc. – “Children of Focus”.)
WALKING IN THE LIGHT IS THE KEY!
Lord Jesus made it clear: “…W alk in the light while you can, so the darkness will not overtake you.” (John 12:35)
John spoke, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” (I John 1:7)
THREE SOURCES OF LIGHT – Help Us Experience Affection
Light Source #1: Jesus in the Light of the Word (John 8:32)
Walking in the Light: Experiencing God’s Love and Giving It Away (Affection)
Growing up in small town Kentucky and attending church “every time the doors were open”, I heard and sang…
Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong.
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so.”
That chorus is so wonderfully true. Just because I sang it as a child doesn’t mean I understood or experienced His love, as He meant it to be. Let me illustrate.
Based on your knowledge of scripture, did Jesus love little children? Did Jesus value them, enjoy them, invite them, and truly show affection to them?
In your childhood, did you understand (perhaps not the love of Jesus…yet) the tender touch, kind words, and guiding truth of the love of your parents and other family members? Isn’t that what families are to illustrate for children? Whether you did or did not receive appropriate affection, do you now understand more deeply the love of Jesus Christ? Knowing you are loved, hearing words of affection from Jesus Christ, and reading about His love are critical components of living a life that is characterized by “power, love, and a sound mind”.
To help experience Jesus’ love for you personally, would you picture Him on the cross? However you think of His condition as Jesus is being crucified, would you get a visual image of Him? Now look into Jesus’ face and more particularly look into His eyes. He cannot affectionately touch you or anyone from that cross, but would you listen to His words? Look at Him as Jesus utters, “Today, you will be with me in paradise” to the thief; as He says, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” Why did He die such a sacrificial death for us? Can you feel the warmth of His love reaching into your heart to meet your need for affection? This care is from the One who was and is “moved with compassion” for you as much as for those He touched and healed. Or is Jesus compassionate only to people He met while here on earth?
Thank Him for caring for you this way and wanting you to know His love and affection.
Light Source #2: God’s Word is a “Lamp and Light” (Psalm 119:105)
Walking in the Light: Experiencing God’s Love and Giving It Away (Affection)
I want the men in the audience to pay particular attention, though in these last few years I am discovering sadly that an increasing number of women are falling into the category of “not knowing how to be appropriately affectionate with their children”. Dysfunction and divorce are taking their toll on successive generations of children, as the caring aspects of familial love are replaced by business and distractions. More “side-by-side” families seem to be replacing families where loving, “face-to-face” interactions were common.
Men and women, would you focus some this week on not “exasperating your children”? My hope is that none of you exasperates his / her children, but here are two aspects of your parent-child relationship worthy of examination.
Namely,
1. How often do you appropriately touch your children: hug, hold, kiss, sit beside, place hands on shoulders, tickle, or wrestle?
2. How often do you say things like, “I love you”, “I like being with you”, or “I think you are awesome”?
During our childhood and even as adults, you and I need affection (see definition): appropriate touch and to be told, “I love you” or “I care about you”. If you deny having the need for affection, it may be difficult for you to recognize and give affection to others, especially to children. Some adults have the mind-set, “I didn’t get any of that, and I turned out OK.” My question is as follows: Do others around you actually feel loved by you and would they say that they wished you could show more affection”?
We exasperate others, especially our children, when they need things naturally as a part of the way they were created, and we don’t see it or see it but won’t learn how to give what they need. Giving “stuff” is not the same as giving yourself in ways that show you care. (Please make sure you read I Thessalonians 2:11-12)
Homework for Your Home: Try this: After having completed Light Source #1, read the definition of Affection a couple of times, then go to your children (one at a time over a day or two) and just hug them briefly and look them in the eye as you say, “I may not have told you lately, but I love you and am so thankful for you.” Or while they are distracted with homework or watching TV, just pull up a chair/sit near them…not too near…and be with them for a while. When you get up to leave, get their attention and say, “It is nice just being in the same room with you.” Gently hug them or touch his/her head or hair. Sound a little frightening? Seem a bit too mushy? If so, those may be indicators that it has been too long since you were appropriately affectionate with your child.
Note: As they become students, teens, or young adults, some parents back off from showing their children appropriate affection. Don’t! Find appropriate ways to reconnect using physical touch and words of affection. You may save them from looking for love in all the wrong places.
Light Source #3: Followers of Jesus are called the “Light of the Word”
(Matt 5:14)
Walking in the Light: Experiencing God’s Love and Giving It Away (Affection)
With your spouse or (if a single parent – with a trusted friend or advisor)
1. Please explain to one another how affection was shown to you during your childhood and teen years. (Read the definition again….please)
2. Discuss how you are learning and growing in showing appropriate affection in your marriage or in other close relationships. Is growth in this area helping with parenting?
3. As a parent, how do you feel you have done at showing proper affection to each child, grandchild, Child of Focus?
4. How could you improve – in what ways, with each child?
5. For the creative in the world: How might you re-write the chorus “Jesus Loves Me” to reflect that not only does “the Bible tell me so” but also “my parents help me know”?
6. Is there any guarantee that our children will walk in authentic faith that expresses itself in love?
7. Now and from now on, pray faithfully that your children will come to faith in Jesus as not only their Savior but also as the lover of their soul. Pray that you live authentic faith that expresses itself in love….don’t stop investing and investigating until you do it consistently. Do it for Jesus and for your kids. Ultimately, it is the best thing you can do for you too.
Have a wonderful date/focused time to discuss Affection in Your Family especially relative to the kids.
Little Time/Little Money:
Make breakfast and take it to your children in bed. (OR) Take a simple picnic or car-meal…in case it rains – and go hiking, biking, walking, . Afterward sit together and talk over your meal…asking Question 1 and listening well.
- Ask the Question: How do you like to have Affection shown to you? (Sample answers: Talks where parents listen mostly, Hugs and Back Rubs, Being Together in the same room quietly or playing, surprises of going places or getting stuff, helping you accomplish something or help doing chores?
- Listen closely and maybe even write down some of what is said. Next put into your calendar or notes section the comments offered by your kids. Discuss during your Light Source #3 time with adults how to incorporate some of these into the schedule.
More Time/More Money:
Go out to lunch, dinner, or dessert, ….get them out! (OR)
Go to a movie and dinner, lunch, dessert! – Watch the time so the kids aren’t tired by the time you want them to talk to you about the following items:
- Ask the Question: How do you like to have Affection shown to you? (Sample answers: Talks where parents listen mostly, Hugs and Back Rubs, Being Together in the same room quietly or playing, surprises of going places or getting stuff, helping you accomplish something or help doing chores?
- Listen closely and maybe even write down some of what is said. Next put into your calendar or Notes section the comments offered by your kids. Discuss during your Light Source #3 time with adults how to incorporate some of these into the schedule.
Our desire is that each of us learns well how to show Affection to the life partner / spouse AND to the children God has given to us. I wonder what impact this would have on others in the Church family, who are watching as affection is shown appropriately and powerfully in our family relationships? What do you think?