Comfort : Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses, and physical touch; hurting with and for others in the midst of their grief or pain. (Romans 12: 15 NASB; Matthew 5:4: 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Sympathy is very different from empathy. Sympathy is more about feeling sadness FOR someone, where empathy is more a willingness to feel sadness WITH someone.
Comfort is being willing to pull your chair up next to someone and SHARE IN their pain, to empathize.
Often we receive sympathy from others, I believe in part, because people feel like they need to have an answer for pain. Generally some are not comfortable feeling the pain of others, with others, especially without using words. Sometimes a tear, a hug, a countenance of identifying with another person’s pain is better than words alone.
Jesus – The Light of the World: (Jesus Meets Our Need For Comfort)
God IS the God of all comfort! (2 Corinthians 1:3)
Have you ever been in such pain that you had no words to say or to pray? During that time did you allow yourself to just be held by The Father? He is definitely in the business of holding His children! Of course, I don’t mean a physical holding but one of real awareness of His comforting presence. He wants to and will be WITH us.
Imagine God giving you comfort by showing sympathy alone?
“I’m sorry that happened to you but all things work out!”
“Condolences on your loss, my child. I know just how you feel.”
Can you imagine? I hope not.
Yet, if you ever experienced a loss you hear all kinds of well meaning statements that leave you with a bigger hole in your heart than you had before.
Most people just don’t know what to say, but their comments can often invalidate your grief instead of give comfort.
God always carries you in your pain. He is The Great Empathizer and also a pretty wonderful Father.
(2 Corinthians 1:4) Do you believe God comforts ALL of your afflictions? Would you give Him a chance to carry you, maybe even at this moment? I know that at times He will comfort you through another caring person, but at times He is the only Comforter we have or the only one who actually knows how to comfort us in our pain. Ask Him. Allow Him time to meet with you.
His Word – A lamp and a Light
Let’s do: 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Since God is the God of ALL comfort and He comforts us, we can in turn give the same kind of comfort to our spouse since God Himself models it for us!
This may look like:
Not having all the answers when your spouse is in pain.
It may mean simply sitting quietly, listening, allowing yourself to FEEL what your spouse is feeling.
It may mean learning to give more empathy instead of sympathy when you may feel uncomfortable with your spouses’ pain. Show you care, and if you absolutely have to, use words.
Hug more. Cry together more. Love deeper.
You And I Are “The Light of the World” – Jesus Said So.
Maybe you learned a little about the differences between empathy and sympathy today or, at least, how they look and feel when applied to real life.
We can all practice being a Great Empathizer, especially for today’s topic, with our spouse. Guys/Gals, your spouse needs the security of knowing that they can come to you when they are hurting, knowing they will actually feel comforted instead of being led to believe they should “grow up”, “not be so emotional”, or “remember Jesus is always with you”.
When your spouse feels comforted, they have their feelings validated, She/He feels deeply loved, a new wholeness replaces their brokenness. That is HUGE for your relationship, don’t you think?
Let’s start asking our spouse, “How can I help?” instead of offering up suggestions on how he/she can feel better. Say, “I can see you are hurting. I am here for you no matter what.” Then, sit next to him/her taking their hand or allowing them to lean on your shoulder under your caring touch.
Let’s start giving “real” comfort the next time our spouse hurts. Having an empathetic heart towards her/him will bring the greatest comfort to their heart.